The Boy

My first week at the new job was a lot. It was exhilarating and exhausting all in one. I'm really excited about it, actually. This company has its ish together and I was actually handed some marketing materials when I arrived (can I tell you how many companies - BIG COMPANIES - that don't have that?!). It made my day. I can say I made the right decision to join this team.

This week has also been full of the boy I told you about here. We went out on the boat last Sunday, hung out Monday night, he cooked dinner for me on Wednesday, and invited me over when I got done with Art class with Mrs. Artsy on Friday night. That's a lot of seeing each other for one week.

He's extremely sweet... keeping me guessing but still reassuring what his feelings are towards me. He says things like "you know, you're pretty amazing. I might just have to keep you around." It makes me smile and think about what it is that he wants.... which is where I get skeptical.

Yes, skeptical.

This amazing guy who has his shit together, who is witty and smart, attractive and manly, and treats me very well... I'm skeptical about him. What. The. Fuck?

As part of the 'me' that I am, I over-analyze these things. I think about my past and what kinds of things my exes have said before they screwed me over. I think about their actions, their so-called 'feelings' and all the things they did before they cheated on me or told me that they really didn't feel that way.

It takes everything wonderful that the boy has said or done and puts it in a little compartment and lets it rot there because I don't necessarily 'believe' him. How fucked up is that? I'm taking very careful steps... very planned out, precise words and actions. I can't just let go emotionally.

So, here I am. This wonderful guy... who is completely 'in' to me... and I'm having trouble letting him in.

Maybe this is a good thing, being that it's only been a month and a half that we've been dating. I dunno.

So... there. You've listened to me blurt out everything that's on my mind. Once again ;)

To give you an update on the anxiety - it's gone again, thank God! I cannot tell you how horrible I feel when that aspect of ridiculousness pops up again. So, hooray!

oh, and ps. I found an apartment!! Now, I just need to find a roommate!