My first week at the new job was a lot. It was exhilarating and exhausting all in one. I'm really excited about it, actually. This company has its ish together and I was actually handed some marketing materials when I arrived (can I tell you how many companies - BIG COMPANIES - that don't have that?!). It made my day. I can say I made the right decision to join this team.
This week has also been full of the boy I told you about here. We went out on the boat last Sunday, hung out Monday night, he cooked dinner for me on Wednesday, and invited me over when I got done with Art class with Mrs. Artsy on Friday night. That's a lot of seeing each other for one week.
He's extremely sweet... keeping me guessing but still reassuring what his feelings are towards me. He says things like "you know, you're pretty amazing. I might just have to keep you around." It makes me smile and think about what it is that he wants.... which is where I get skeptical.
Yes, skeptical.
This amazing guy who has his shit together, who is witty and smart, attractive and manly, and treats me very well... I'm skeptical about him. What. The. Fuck?
As part of the 'me' that I am, I over-analyze these things. I think about my past and what kinds of things my exes have said before they screwed me over. I think about their actions, their so-called 'feelings' and all the things they did before they cheated on me or told me that they really didn't feel that way.
It takes everything wonderful that the boy has said or done and puts it in a little compartment and lets it rot there because I don't necessarily 'believe' him. How fucked up is that? I'm taking very careful steps... very planned out, precise words and actions. I can't just let go emotionally.
So, here I am. This wonderful guy... who is completely 'in' to me... and I'm having trouble letting him in.
Maybe this is a good thing, being that it's only been a month and a half that we've been dating. I dunno.
So... there. You've listened to me blurt out everything that's on my mind. Once again ;)
To give you an update on the anxiety - it's gone again, thank God! I cannot tell you how horrible I feel when that aspect of ridiculousness pops up again. So, hooray!
oh, and ps. I found an apartment!! Now, I just need to find a roommate!
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
10 Things [contributing to my big A]
Even more anxiety? No way. Ugh. I'm so over it!
1. Friday was my last day with the consulting company. It was bittersweet, but we went to happy hour after we met up for our 'wrapping everything up' meeting. Turns out, the wine bar we were at was filming an episode of NFL Wives (VH1). I'm not sure anyone watches that show, well, maybe Carrie, but I'll be one one of the episodes in the background. Kind of exciting!
2. Monday, I start the new job. I'm really excited about it - getting to meet new people, working on something new and something stable, and just the excitement of a new job overall. Now if this anxiety would just go away, I'll be in tip-top shape :)
3. I'm also trying to find a place to move to. My roomie here is moving to El Paso for 6 months with his job, so he can't move with me (sad!) but I'll be able to find another roommate and hopefully it'll work out as well as this one has. All of the whole finding a place, moving, and getting another roommate - well, that's stressful. ALSO needing to sell some extra things that I have lying around. If I get enough, might get a new living room set or TV or something. Who knows?!
4. This month, I'll have another credit card paid off (thank god). I have been pouring money into those cards and it's finally starting to show.
5. I have been dating a boy... and he's really quite fantastic. We've gone on 6 dates, so I guess it's alright for me to tell you about him. I don't like blogging about all of them, because, well, there have been a lot of 1st and 2nd dates but nothing beyond that... and, I dunno, it would have been great to write it all down, but seeing that many stories that come to an abrupt end is depressing.
Anyway, this boy and I have great chemistry together - I think the challenge is mutual (it is rare that I find someone, much less a guy, that challenges me) and we have a lot of fun together. Tall, ridiculously cute, and he likes me... who would have thought? I'm just trying to be extremely patient - and go with the flow. I don't need ANOTHER thing changing in my life right now ;)
6. Tonight, I scrapbooked a few pages in my Italy album. It was nice to pull that stuff out again. My mom had it out while she was here, so it was a little inspirational. I still have a long way to go, but it's progress nontheless.
7. I walked into a bridal boutique this AM to get measured for Rae's wedding in October. Turns out, the lead time to order this dress is 10-12 weeks... and I don't have that. Shit! Rush ordering makes it available only days before the wedding, and I'll already be in ATL at that point... start adding up the bill for rush and shipping now. I tried the dress on anyway - and, wouldn't you know... the sample they had at the boutique fit me perfectly... AND it was the right color for the wedding. The sash wasn't the "banana" color she wanted, but it's a creme, and since I'm the Maid of Honor, she thought it might look okay. What are the frickin' odds? $130 bucks later, scratch that off the list!!
8. I booked my tickets home for the wedding the other day. $190 round trip isn't bad. :) Now, just need a rental car and I'm set. Bachelorette party plans are also in the works. That feeling of 'accomplishment' is awesome.
9. Last night I went out with some friends that I hadn't gone out with in a long time. It was a fantastic time, as usual, and it made me realize that I have been sheltering myself with Fran. Since she and I aren't really hanging out much anymore (for other reasons), it was kind of refreshing to know that I could still go out and have a good time with some other people. I was drunk. Really, really drunk, though. Eh. What's a few drunk texts anyway ;)
10. Ready for what's next. Ready to shed some excess baggage (or so to speak) and enter the next phase of my life. This job is the first step in that direction. I'm stoked. (oh, and Carrie is moving so much closer than Hawaii in less than a month!!!!! OMG, SO excited!!)
That's it for now. Now do you see why I've got so much anxiety!? ;)
1. Friday was my last day with the consulting company. It was bittersweet, but we went to happy hour after we met up for our 'wrapping everything up' meeting. Turns out, the wine bar we were at was filming an episode of NFL Wives (VH1). I'm not sure anyone watches that show, well, maybe Carrie, but I'll be one one of the episodes in the background. Kind of exciting!
2. Monday, I start the new job. I'm really excited about it - getting to meet new people, working on something new and something stable, and just the excitement of a new job overall. Now if this anxiety would just go away, I'll be in tip-top shape :)
3. I'm also trying to find a place to move to. My roomie here is moving to El Paso for 6 months with his job, so he can't move with me (sad!) but I'll be able to find another roommate and hopefully it'll work out as well as this one has. All of the whole finding a place, moving, and getting another roommate - well, that's stressful. ALSO needing to sell some extra things that I have lying around. If I get enough, might get a new living room set or TV or something. Who knows?!
4. This month, I'll have another credit card paid off (thank god). I have been pouring money into those cards and it's finally starting to show.
5. I have been dating a boy... and he's really quite fantastic. We've gone on 6 dates, so I guess it's alright for me to tell you about him. I don't like blogging about all of them, because, well, there have been a lot of 1st and 2nd dates but nothing beyond that... and, I dunno, it would have been great to write it all down, but seeing that many stories that come to an abrupt end is depressing.
Anyway, this boy and I have great chemistry together - I think the challenge is mutual (it is rare that I find someone, much less a guy, that challenges me) and we have a lot of fun together. Tall, ridiculously cute, and he likes me... who would have thought? I'm just trying to be extremely patient - and go with the flow. I don't need ANOTHER thing changing in my life right now ;)
6. Tonight, I scrapbooked a few pages in my Italy album. It was nice to pull that stuff out again. My mom had it out while she was here, so it was a little inspirational. I still have a long way to go, but it's progress nontheless.
7. I walked into a bridal boutique this AM to get measured for Rae's wedding in October. Turns out, the lead time to order this dress is 10-12 weeks... and I don't have that. Shit! Rush ordering makes it available only days before the wedding, and I'll already be in ATL at that point... start adding up the bill for rush and shipping now. I tried the dress on anyway - and, wouldn't you know... the sample they had at the boutique fit me perfectly... AND it was the right color for the wedding. The sash wasn't the "banana" color she wanted, but it's a creme, and since I'm the Maid of Honor, she thought it might look okay. What are the frickin' odds? $130 bucks later, scratch that off the list!!
8. I booked my tickets home for the wedding the other day. $190 round trip isn't bad. :) Now, just need a rental car and I'm set. Bachelorette party plans are also in the works. That feeling of 'accomplishment' is awesome.
9. Last night I went out with some friends that I hadn't gone out with in a long time. It was a fantastic time, as usual, and it made me realize that I have been sheltering myself with Fran. Since she and I aren't really hanging out much anymore (for other reasons), it was kind of refreshing to know that I could still go out and have a good time with some other people. I was drunk. Really, really drunk, though. Eh. What's a few drunk texts anyway ;)
10. Ready for what's next. Ready to shed some excess baggage (or so to speak) and enter the next phase of my life. This job is the first step in that direction. I'm stoked. (oh, and Carrie is moving so much closer than Hawaii in less than a month!!!!! OMG, SO excited!!)
That's it for now. Now do you see why I've got so much anxiety!? ;)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Crazy life
Anxiety comes in many different forms. I wouldn't say that I "suffer" from it - I just deal with it. But when things get like they are right now, I have anxiety attacks... my head spins with thoughts in all different directions, it affects my concentration, my breathing, my well-being, and turns from a mental into a physical feeling.
It's scary.
But It doesn't have me, I have it. There's a difference.
Breathing helps, family helps, friends help, something stable helps. Oy. Just ready for all this change to be over.
This past week, it's been great having my family in town. I've been go-go-go for the past 4 weeks now... in DC, back for a few days before they came to visit. It's been a lot of fun.
We went to a waterpark, a painting class, the pool, good mex food, the Ft. Worth Stockyards, shopping, thai food, sushi... we did it all. I think my sisters had a great time.
Now, the craziness dwindles, I wind down my work with the consulting company, ramp it up for my new job on Monday.... and then go-go-go again.
Life is crazy. It just is.
It's scary.
But It doesn't have me, I have it. There's a difference.
Breathing helps, family helps, friends help, something stable helps. Oy. Just ready for all this change to be over.
This past week, it's been great having my family in town. I've been go-go-go for the past 4 weeks now... in DC, back for a few days before they came to visit. It's been a lot of fun.
We went to a waterpark, a painting class, the pool, good mex food, the Ft. Worth Stockyards, shopping, thai food, sushi... we did it all. I think my sisters had a great time.
Now, the craziness dwindles, I wind down my work with the consulting company, ramp it up for my new job on Monday.... and then go-go-go again.
Life is crazy. It just is.
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