Growth

Today, I grew a little bit. As a person.

I took what someone had to tell me at face value. I believed them. I understood exactly what it is they had to say. And I get it.

Not only am I a day older... I'm a day wiser.

Thank you to two unexpected messengers. ;)

Crazy life

Anxiety comes in many different forms. I wouldn't say that I "suffer" from it - I just deal with it. But when things get like they are right now, I have anxiety attacks... my head spins with thoughts in all different directions, it affects my concentration, my breathing, my well-being, and turns from a mental into a physical feeling.

It's scary.

But It doesn't have me, I have it. There's a difference.

Breathing helps, family helps, friends help, something stable helps. Oy. Just ready for all this change to be over.

This past week, it's been great having my family in town. I've been go-go-go for the past 4 weeks now... in DC, back for a few days before they came to visit. It's been a lot of fun.

We went to a waterpark, a painting class, the pool, good mex food, the Ft. Worth Stockyards, shopping, thai food, sushi... we did it all. I think my sisters had a great time.

Now, the craziness dwindles, I wind down my work with the consulting company, ramp it up for my new job on Monday.... and then go-go-go again.

Life is crazy. It just is.

Marketing Coordinator

Yep. That's what my new title will be once I start at the job I was offered today. This is the oil and gas company that I interviewed with before I left for Atlanta for Christmas.

He called and offered me the part time position (20 hours a week) that is supposed to turn into a full time one. They hadn't had anything figured out about how much it would pay, what the role would be, etc. In fact, they didn't even interview anyone else. I met the guy, he thought I would be a great asset to his team, and he wanted to hire me. (it just took frickin forever!)

This part time position is going to pay a pretty penny. If it were full time, it would be exactly what I was hoping to make starting out. Unfortunately, there are no benefits yet, but I know those will come.

I'm super excited now because the whole part time thing will give me the ability to work on other Marketing projects and work at a pub making a lot of extra money on the weekends. Maybe I'll find somewhere to volunteer at - marketing related or not.

Celebration is called for. Can't wait!!

Go me!!

Job Update

So, the pub I was supposed to start working at never came through. I was literally "hired" at the place, just needed a firm 'show up at this time' for training. Well, I called, I did my part - and that never happened.

So, I've written them off and I applied at another pub yesterday, this one a LOT closer to my place. Still just as packed. Still the potential to make shit tons of moolah.

I talked to the guy at the Part Time Marketing Coordinator gig yesterday. He is in the process of setting me up with an interview with the President of the place. This is HUGE, imo. So, hopefully I'll hear back from him soon with word on when that'll take place.

I also got an email from the lady at the consulting company. We're talking about projects.

All in all, things are looking up - but they're taking their sweet ass time. I know I sound super depressed, but life is a bit difficult at the moment. Oh, and the biatch that rented my place in Atlanta still hasn't paid me December's rent or utilities.

Stressed. Out. :)

UN-Resolutions

Every year, this time of year, I get really optimistic. "This year's gonna be the year for..." fill in the blank with everything from losing weight to staying organized and working out. I think about many resolutions and things that I'd like to accomplish. Usually, only after a few weeks in, I'm distracted by something - or never even sat down to think about realistic plans for the year to start with.

These past few days have started off on a ridiculous foot. I sleep the days away, my place feels like a cluttered disaster, and I am stressed about numerous things. I want to believe these jobs I have lined up are sure things. I want to think that everything is going to be hunky-dory in 2010, but my hope is fading at the moment.

The girl I sublet my apartment to in Atlanta for three months has yet to pay any rent or utilities for the month of December. That means, in addition to all the bills I have here (and my lack of income at the moment) she owes me over $1000. Perfect timing on her part.

And I was supposed to start at the pub sometime this week, but it didn't happen. The manager/owner got super busy and I was pushed to the wayside. That was supposed to be my support while waiting for these two part time positions in marketing to pan out.

I've been trying to be optimistic and not so much of a debbie downer, but it sucks even talking to people I know (who, it's obvious, care about me) because the first question out of their mouth is "So, how's the job hunt going". I would rather avoid the subject, because I know something fabulous will come along... I just need to wait for it. I'm putting forth a TON of effort, it's all about the timing.

I'm afraid of letting people know what things I have going on because if they fall through, I'm sure I have to report all of THAT, too. Oy. Such a frustrating cycle.

Anyway, so today and yesterday have been weird days. I've slept until noon or so (which is a horrible habit to start getting in to) and not accomplished much. I hung out with Michael last night because he's in town. We watched Inglourious Basterds (interesting movie, definitely a Quinten Tarantino flick). Today I scrubbed my bathroom, cleaned my closet, watched Desperate Housewives and Being Erica, started a new book, and made dinner.

To top it all off, I was making potatoes when a martini glass from the top of the fridge slid off and shattered on the counter. Because potatoes hide things like little shards of glass, I decided I wasn't going to chance it. Half of my dinner, down the drain.

I suppose anyone would LOVE a week (or two) off to accomplish things... but under these circumstances, I find it very frustrating and the opposite of relaxing.

All this mumbo jumbo just to say that I'm not really sure what 2010 holds for me. I'm not going to "resolute" to anything in particular, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good things to happen. I'm going to try out a new church tomorrow am, so hopefully that'll be one good thing to come from this blah week. Or perhaps Monday holds great secrets for me - a solid something for the future.

*sigh* I sure hope so...

Here's a good song I recently stumbled on. Might be worth checkin' out.

Closing one door... trying to open another...

So it finally happened on Friday afternoon. Everything came to a head and the opportunity to end things presented itself.

Friday night, a long overdue night out with some fabulous people was awesome! Saturday night, I worked, then hung out with friends for a little while. Today, my mom and sisters and brother's girlfriend all went to lunch and to the puppet theater to see a play and make puppets. It was a great weekend overall.

Except.

I'm used to having a boyfriend and being able to talk with someone consistently. Well, haha, that's actually pretty funny, cause we didn't talk all that much these past three weeks. I'm used to having someone to cuddle with on a nightly basis - someone to share thoughts with - and all that jazz.

So whatever. It is what it is. Breakups are never easy. But I know it is for the best. I'm glad it happened so now I can start the healing process. I've been in this state of depression for way too long...

I'm looking to move to another city and start working at some fabulous job somewhere. I certainly want to brush up on my French - and hopefully use it to my advantage one of these days. I think moving in the next month or so is completely possible, I just need to up my job searching and become more proactive about it!

I would LOVE to start writing again (I know I say that ALL the time these days) but it's the truth. I also need to get into another good book. All we ever wanted was everything was a really good read. ;)

So here's to this week - hopefully it'll be a good one. I have a crazy random week next week, ending with a good friend's wedding and my great grandmother's bday party. Fab!

In the meantime... check out Shawn McDonald and his song Captivated. It's fabulous!

Busy Bee...

Yes, I admit, I've neglected the blog once again... but it's all because I haven't really had the time to update. Here's the list of things I've been keeping up with:

- Michael and I went to his city this weekend. We had SO much fun but it was exhausting meeting all of those people and talking the whole time. :)
- Carrie is coming next Wednesday and I cannot WAIT to spend a weekend with her! It's been since we went to Hawaii in September to visit her. That's WAY too long!
- School is kicking my ass. I have projects in each one of my classes that I'm practically the leader of - and stuff due all the time.
- I've had to get stuff taken care of to Study Abroad. I still have a million to-do things like getting a physical, applying my financial aid, etc. Thankfully, I've already taken care of the Passport. That's one less thing to worry about!
- I'm in the process of finding a new roommate. Now THAT is tedious.
- I work 3 days as a nanny and 2 days as a waitress. I have Sundays off from Work and School but it really doesn't feel like it with the amount of homework I have!
- My little sister's bday is next week.
- Spending time with my family is crazy short because of everything going on.
- I have my small group Tuesday nights.
- errands like grocery shopping, oil changes, etc.... and cleaning and laundry...

and this list rolls on and on. I never get a break! :)

So... I'll have to catch up on your blogs and tell you all some funny stories from this weekend.

Happy Tuesday!

10 [exciting] Things about this week...

1. You know that study abroad program I've been talking about for, like, ever now??!? WELLLllllll... I had an interview (impromptu, might I add) with the sponsor of the trip and he wants me to go!!! So that means I'm accepted into the program and I get to go to Italy for Maymester!!! This also means other great things for my school stuff. I only have to take ONE class this summer and I'll be done! Which means I'll technically be able to start working as much as I'd like and that'll be fabulous! I'm going to need it to pay off the cost of this trip, but it's so worth it! I got the good news yesterday and I couldn't be more excited.

2. Carrie comes to see me in exactly 27 days. OMG, it's finally here!! I cannot WAIT!! We're going to go see Confessions of a Shopaholic (I'm so glad she's waiting to see it with me - you have NO idea how big of a deal it is for her to actually wait to see a movie!)

3. Michael invited me to go HOME with him to meet his parents, etc. (yes, HOME is a different city and state and timezone...) This just happened today. Ummmm I kinda freaked out for a second but I'm really excited! We had actually planned this for the Christmas holidays but it didn't end up working out like that. So, he wanted to go for a short weekend in two weeks for his son's birthday and wants me to come. That's $180 round trip for a plane ticket. I feel like it's worth it, though. :) This is a huge step in our relationship, by the way...

4. I called my credit card company (the one I have with the whopping almost 6 grand in fun money on it) and had my interest rate lowered from 18.9 (who the fuck has an 18.9% interest rate with my credit score?!) to 3.99.... fabulous!! I don't know why I never thought to ask for a lower interest rate before. I just thought that's what you had to pay. I've been hearing from other people that they've called and now have been able to pay off their card - instead, I feel like I've been paying them a shit ton of interest these past few years. :)

5. Blaire is moving back to the city THIS WEEKEND!! I'm SO excited for her! She'll be closer and I'll be able to see her more often :)

6. Rae moved out a week ago and I'm still looking for a roommate. I've posted an ad on craigslist but haven't found anything just yet... gotta keep looking!

7. My Nutrition class was supposed to have a test on Tuesday. My teacher sent an email (that I didn't get) and said we were going to have it next week instead... this means I get more time to prepare for it. MUCH needed, thank you! I absolutely LOVE this class. I give Carrie the good scoop every Tuesday once I get out.

8. I start my nanny job on Monday. I'll be making about 300 bucks a week for about 20 hours (FABULOUS!!) and then I have Thursday mornings and Saturday nights at the restaurant. That should make up the difference for all of my bills. :) I can't wait to start this nanny job - I'm going to have so much homework time - I'll actually be caught up with all of my classes.

9. I finally have all of my W2's and can go get my taxes done. I'm a bit timid about it because of the work I did for one of my marketing projects over the summer. I made about 3,000 with them and didn't pay taxes on it at the time - I hope it's not a huge whammy this time!

10. I went to my small group thing (DEFINITELY going to love it... not what I thought initially) on Tuesday night. The girls are really nice and I think I'm going to connect with at least some of them. I volunteered to host the next one on Tuesday at my house, so hopefully that will go well! :)

Wow. It's been such a great week... I love it! I can't wait for all of this fun stuff to happen! I've got to go ahead and get my passport (yep, almost 25 and don't have a passport yet...) so I'll have it for my trip. That's another hundred bucks right there!!

I hope you all have had a lovely week and have a fabulous weekend! :)

Bad things happen to good people sometimes...

This morning I woke up and looked at my Blackberry. Since I receive so many random emails throughout the night (you know, coupons from Express or NY and Company, spam emails, etc), the notification ding doesn't phase me anymore. I saw an email in there from my old boss...

... now, this is a guy who was incredibly instrumental in my career. I loved working for him and think he's such a cool person. He has given me a ton of career opportunities, always believed in me and the work that I did, as well as taking a genuine interest in what I'm doing. He's always doing a bike ride for this cause, organizing something for his kid's school or the city he lives in, donating to charity, or some random thing for everyone around him. He's a kind-hearted, selfless person.

His email informed me that he was recently diagnosed with throat cancer.

I was literally at a loss for words. His email came in at about 9 this morning and it's about 3 now... and I was just now able to respond. Of course I wrote a heart-felt message to him offering anything he needed while he goes through some ridiculous treatments. I mean, when they do chemo on your throat - you literally have to live on feeding tubes, etc. for a month or so because your throat won't function the same. That's awfully scary to think about.

Please keep him in your prayers as he starts chemo (during the holidays, nonetheless) and his life takes a drastic turn. I have no doubt that he'll get through this and be strong throughout - but he'll definitely need your prayers.

I have tons of questions surrounding all of this - and maybe that's another post for another day - but I've only known one or two people in my life to have cancer.

*sigh* sometimes bad things happen to good people...

10 [shitacular] Things

1. Friday (Nov. 7) was 5 years from the day my cousin died. My thoughts about this from previous years are here.
2. My great grandmother started taking some pain meds because her arthritis meds weren't working. As a result, she became a zombie who couldn't move and even made up new words for the english language! She had to go to the hospital, and is now in a rehabilitating nursing home. She'll soon move to the big nursing home once she's better...
3. I'll leave this one blank until I feel inclined to fill it in. It has to do with _ _ _ _ _ _ _ and our _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Hah. How's that for hang man??
4. I got a call back today from my interview last week. I have to make my own company and become incorporated... essentially being a consultant for them. Huzzah.
5. It's cold out... and getting increasingly colder.
6. I have an INSANE amount of school work due tomorrow. I've been busting ass today trying to get everything done, though.
7. I have group projects and finals and papers and all sorts of stuff coming to a close within the next few weeks.
8. My school is ridiculous and I feel like they try whatever they can to keep you from succeeding. Rules and regulations are in place to make people work even harder when they screwed up once in their life back in 2002. Yes, I'm still suffering from my first semester in school... in 2002.

I think I can only gripe about 8 things at the moment... and they're not even all gripes. 1, 2, and 3 are big, though.

Anyway - that might clue you in to how things are goin down at the moment. Argh.

Rocky Road (not the ice cream)

I have been unable to post to this blog for a couple of weeks because life is incredibly rocky at the moment. It saddens me to write about it, so I've avoided this blog altogether. Of course, I've kept up with yours - just can't get my mind off of this one thing long enough to write something important.

I'm sad that Obama won the presidency (obviously... if you follow my blog you know why!) but I think he'll do a good job. He's the president-elect and I kinda have to support him. I'm not going to bitch about it until after he proves us McCain supporters right and fucks something up ;) haha just kidding. Hopefully he'll be able to bring about all the change he talked about... I'll be waiting for that moment!

So, I'm sorry I haven't written - and I'm not sure how much longer it'll be until I write again. Keep checking back, though. I may just surprise you with five fun-filled crazy entries in one day! You never know!

I hope you guys all had a great Halloween and you're enjoying all of the Christmas and shopping commercials that have raided the space between your favorite shows. (Speaking of, I've started watching 'the starter wife' for some reason... I kind of like it!)

Anywho... life will go on. C'est la vie always has been my favorite saying. Oh, and I've found a study abroad program that is a may-mester for next year! I think I'm going to do it... Paris in my future? No way! ;)

Weekend Fun!

This weekend was great! Michael and I spent the whole weekend together and I enjoyed every single second of it!

Friday night, it was family picture night. Really weird, cause my step-dad and I don't get along - but I'm trying to get Michael in with him so maybe one day he'll speak to me again. I doubt it'll happen, but a step was made on Friday in the right direction. Michael and my step-dad are both big jokesters. At least they've got that in common! Anyway, Michael has this mullet wig that he's brought out from the depths of the closet a few times from a halloween a few years ago... this time he brought it with us to the family photo session. My brother and his girlfriend took pictures together, our whole family took pictures together, and then Michael and I took some together. The sitting fee was already taken care of, so why not take advantage of it?!

The pictures came out PRICELESS. I was cracking up with Michael in the wig, and the rest of the place thought it was hilarious, too. The lady who was taking the picture could hardly do so, too. Man, if only this were a blog that I wanted everyone to see who I was, I'd post it here. But, unfortunately, it'll just have to be a story I tell. :)

Saturday was cleaning day... the weather outside was GORGEOUS... and we got a lot done in terms of cleaning. I had to study, and he went to a friend's house (oh yah, Leslie's husband's house - who asked about me, by the way).

Today, we got up and lounged around before getting ready for a work function of mine. They bought tickets to a baseball game for all of the clients, etc. so we were able to go. It was fun, but we were both exhausted. I saw a few people there, but ultimately avoided the people I knew. I just wasn't in the mood for it. Michael and I stopped by the store on the way home because they were having a scrapbook stuff and picture frame sale... and I love love love both of those things.

I made chicken noodle soup for dinner and it was absolutely delicious. :) Yesterday, I made a version of this desert. I did things a little differently than they did, though. I made the brownies with applesauce so they were a little healthier than with the oil. Then, I mixed a thing of vanilla pudding in one bowl and a thing of chocolate pudding in another bowl... and mixed half a thing of cool whip in each. (yumm). THEN, I put some peanut butter with half of the chocolate pudding/cool whip mixture until it was smooth. Waited until the brownies were done, and layered them as such: peanut butter mixture, vanilla mixture, chocolate mixture.... and that was it. It was SO good. SOO SOOOOOO GOOD. :) Michael and his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend were all diggin it. It was a little too peanut-buttery for me, but whatever.

Alright - I've got a test tomorrow and I've SO been procrastinating studying. Ugh. Focus, focus, focus. Hope you all had a great weekend!

10 [random] Things...

1. I'm working on a scrapbook for Michael and I. It's of all of our 2008 pictures. Somehow this nostalgia has brought him into a SUPER lovey-dovey mode (you know, extra special sweet... not just the normal sweet he already is). And I love it! :)
2. It's that time. Of the month. And I dispise it.
3. I bought a textbook for school online at textbookw.com.... I've been waiting on it for 2 weeks. I JUST now found out it's out of stock. Fuckers.
4. This website is extremely cute. :) Shineboxprint.com


5. I enjoy the new "job" only somewhat. It's tedious and somewhat boring but pays well and is EASY-peasy. What more could I ask for while I'm in school? (free money, that's what!!)
6. I L-O-V-E Michael. love love love love him :) Yep. Everyone knows it. That's nothing new :)
7. Saturday night we got drunk with some friends and watched the fight. I did some funny drunky mcdrunkerson things. hehe... that's what I do, apparently.
8. I've started reading a series of books by Wendy Markham... Slightly Single, Slightly Settled, Slightly Engaged, Slightly Married, and Slightly Suburban. I JUST finished Slightly Settled and both books have been really really good... and ended up being quick reads because I've gotten into them.
9. I also read (in between those two) "Dedication" by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus. I loved their other two books (Nanny Diaries and Citizen Girl) so I had to pick this one up... and ended up read it in like 3 days.
10. Yesterday, Michael and I went to my mom's house to have lunch with my two little sisters, my brother and his girlfriend, and my mom and stepdad. We had a blast! We all played the "are you smarter than a 5th grader" board game (because it's their favorite... they're only 7 and 8 yrs old). Michael and I came in second :) But it was just great having my family there... all of it! My mom arranged for us to have a family picture done because we haven't had one since my littlest sister was only a few months old. Geeze, that was forever ago!

Anyway, so many random things going on. I think we're going to eat sushi and go to the park tonight. :) Hope you guys are doing fabulous!

Bitchy Behavior

Today fucking blows. Yesterday was worse, but today there are the lingering feelings left over from last night's "adventures" (if you will). Let's chat, shall we?

Last week, Girl number 1 called me and asked if Michael and I wanted to go see Nelly at a private event on Tuesday night. They'd won some tickets to the event and since I'd shared my free tickets to Linkin Park with her and her husband, I assumed that's why she wanted me to come.

I've written about these bitches before. And yes, they are in fact bitches. Might I remind you of this, where there was only a small excerpt towards the bottom... You certainly haven't heard about the full extent of their capabilities until this very post.

Since then, some new developments have ensued. Girl number 2 has been broken up with and is very bitter about it. She was with Michael's roommate for four years. She was one of the bitches going with us since she and Girl number 1 are best friends - along with Michael's ex. These girls are fucking crazy. In everything they do, they're crazy. They throw things, make public disturbances when they're angry, talk about their best friends behind their backs... defined as 'crazy' in every book i've known.

This starts my situation last night. I decided to make the best of it, even though I've never liked these girls and have tried my damndest to try to befriend them only to be shit on in the end.

Bitchy behavior number 1: Girl number 2 calls me to arrange where we're going to meet because we were all going to ride together. She tells me she's going to wear jeans and a cute top, so I should do the same. We show up, they're all three in mini dresses. I looked hot in my jeans and cute top. Michael's the only one I care about and he thought I looked hot, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

Bitchy behavior number 2: All three girls (Girl number 3 was alright, didn't cause any drama and I actually like her...) shared a bottle of Jager on the way downtown. Needless to say, they were walking sideways by the time we got there 20 minutes later. They're not nice drunks, either. They're obnoxious, bitchy-biatches that you don't want to be around. Even when we got inside after standing in the ridiculously long line... the girls behind us said, "oh look, there are the dumb bitches from outside"... hah! Nice!

Bitchy behavior number 3: All three girls leave to go get (more) drinks, flirt, do whatever... so I'm left holding our space in the crowd with Michael and his friend (who happens to be Girl number 1's husband). I think that's great, because I didn't want to associate myself with them anyway... except Girl number 1 and her husband start bickering in the middle of the crowd. Girl number 1 starts yelling at him and he threatens to leave... and he does. She stays back for a while and watches the very beginning of the concert, and then leaves to go find him.

We're in the middle of this great big city, here, people... Many bars, restaurants, alleys, and other places he could have ducked into. You might as well just enjoy the concert and deal with the bullshit later. That's what i'd do... but nope. Had to go find him.

Literally, Michael and I went to the concert with six people and were the only two watching it. I found that slightly amusing.

Bitchy behavior number 4: I receive a phone call from Girl number 2 asking me to come outside. It's been an hour and a half, concert's almost over... not a big deal. So we leave and go outside to do some damage control. Little did I know the night would end up THIS shitty. We walk outside and Girl number 1's husband is nowhere to be found. I've known him longer than I've known Michael, so I'd say we're friends. I call and call and finally start to text him when he eventually calls me back. (he's got the keys to the car, might I add) Girl number 3 is FURIOUS that Girl number 1's husband has left them stuck downtown in mini dresses. Me, being the calm and sober one, I have to regulate. Michael just stayed out of the way (good for him!).

We finally make it to the car and Girl number 2 is egging both Girl number 1 and Girl number 3 on... saying how horrible Girl number 1's husband is for walking out and making them think they were stranded down there with no way to get home... coaxing Girl number 1 into whatever she wanted her to think... lots of things. Bitterness is in the air.

Girl number 2 and 3 call some guy and get him to come pick them up. Everyone wanted to leave them since their ride was on the way. Let me just say, dispite thinking these girls are bitches... I got the keys and I made everyone wait until their ride got there. There's no way in hell I'm going to leave some bitches downtown in mini dresses with the homeless people at midnight on the corner... no matter how much I may or may not like them. Please note that Girl number 1, who happens to be Girl number 2 and 3's BEST friend, wanted to leave them. I'm just sayin.

Bitchy behavior number 5: The four of us get in the car and I'm driving. I've already had to look Girl number 1 in the face and tell her that she needs to shut the fuck up numerous times - that these problems should be worked out in the privacy of her own home, not for the world to see. We ride home with Michael and the husband making small talk. Husband missed the show... and we had to tell him all about it. We arrive back at our car and let Husband drive them the rest of the way home. Michael gets a call from his roommate, who also happens to be Girl number 2's ex boyfriend.

At this point, neither Michael or I want to associate ourselves with these people anymore. I have tried pretending to be their friends just so we can all go out and have fun.... that philosophy actually doesn't work. Never again will I endure the night that I endured last night.

Bitchy behavior number 6: Girl number 2 called my phone and had the audacity to blame me for talking shit about her to her ex boyfriend. Who the fuck does she think she is? First, I don't have his phone number... and second, I don't go that low. She continued to go as low as she possibly could and make up shit that has to do with my relationship.

You have no idea how pissed off I am about the situation. My friends don't act like that - or if they do, they're not my friends for very long. I'm older than that... I deal with situations MUCH differently than these bitches do... and I don't have time for their petty bullshit.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm still pretty heated about all of it - and it doesn't end where I ended it here... there's more laundry but I'm not sure it's right to air it. C'est la fuckin vie.

Focus.

Or a lack thereof.

I'm trying really hard. I really am. This semester has kicked my ass from here to there and back again. For one, things with Michael are going extremely well and all I want to do is spend all of my time with him. His son is in town until the 26th and we've been doing all kinds of cool things around the city. For two, I took WAAAAaaaay too many classes this summer. I have group projects in three of my four classes. I am a shitty test-taker and always have been. For three, I have no motivation right now whatsoever. None to focus with. None to actually buckle down and do what I need to do to succeed. My mind goes blank at precisely the wrong time all the time.

And that's not like me. Not one bit.

So... for the next two weeks until this hellacious semester is over... I won't be back. I'll still check up on your blogs - cause I've got a blackberry now and can do that on the train, but I won't be writing here until then. It sucks because this is my outlet for funny things and rants and raves and opinions, but I've got to do something to keep my ass from having to re-take a class or two.

C'est la vie.

See ya in two weeks!

All this for just a snapshot!

My great grandmother lives a pretty sad life at the moment. She's 86? 87? I don't even know... and she is SO ready for Jesus to take her home. She'll tell you so every time you see her. About that, and her toes that hurt, her eyes, her hips, etc etc...

Today, I went to my grandparents for Father's Day (cause I love my grandpa!) and we all had lunch. They live up the street from my great grandma's so they can take care of her - so when I go up there, I try to stop by and see her.

She doesn't do anything all day except sit there and look out the window. She used to quilt but doesn't do that anymore because she says she can't see well enough. She used to have visitors and phone calls but now that she just complains all of the time, no one really wants to talk to her.

She's SO sweet... and I love her so incredibly much. I think it's sad that it's gotten to this point. Really.

Today, my mom and both sisters went to see her. We were looking through a photo album talking about the people in it and who they were - who they belonged to and some of the history behind it all. A nice little change of pace, to say the least.

Before we left, she insisted that she get a picture of all 4 of us because she had one picture left on her camera. The fiasco begins here :)

The light was too bright on this side of the room... and we couldn't stand in front of this window or that one. Then, once we got situated, she couldn't figure out how to work the flash. My mom suggested we go outside and forget about the flash altogether. We step outside and my great grandma doesn't think the spot we're in is right. So we move back towards this tree and that tree... "careful not to step in the ant hill there"... so we move to the other side in front of another tree... but there's the neighbor's house in the background. Then this and that until finally the space is right.

She's way too close to us so she complained that it'll cut off our heads so we should scrunch together. We told her to back up. She finally backs up and has everyone in the picture but then she can't use her right eye, she has to use her left one - then her fingers are in the way....

By this time, we're all CRACKING up because my great grandma couldn't take a picture if her life depended on it. haha. I haven't seen her laugh or smile like that in years. :) It actually made me a bit happy to make her laugh and see her so happy even if it were so brief.

I am dying to see how that picture turns out!!

10 Things that will take place in the next month...

1. The girl that replaces me starts May 19th.
2. My HUGE going away happy hour takes place May 29th.
3. My last day of work is May 30th.
4. I move (again, but this time to a more permanent place) June 1st.
5. I have a week off between work and school to where I will probably train at being a server (I know, I've never done that sort of thing before, either)
6. I start school on June 9th.
7. Kaskade comes to see me mid-June.
8. Carrie comes to see me June 19th thru the 24th (SO SUPER excited about this...!!!)
9. Lifehouse comes to see me in June as well.
10. And then I take Michael to see DMB early July. It's a surprise for his bday... and he's gonna love it!!!

So that's that... lots of monumental things and changes going on. Most for the good, though :) We're going to Six Flags this weekend... and I cannot WAIT!!!

C'est la vie.

If only there was another way...

My wit has subsided. My life is upside down from all of these life-changing events I'm putting myself through. Do I feel like writing in this blog? Not so much. Do I have things I want to say? Absolutely. But I feel like they should be kept private for the moment... just until I figure everything else out.

Life will be great once again, I just know it will. I am desperate for this change to go ahead and happen... because I feel like May 2008 is going to be a waiting game.

I wish Carrie were here and not in Hawaii with her husband. She and I have so much fun together. I also wish all of these hard decisions I had to make weren't so hard and that I didn't have to forfeit some happiness to make them happen. If only there was another way...

10 Things I love about moving.

Sense the sarcasm. Please!
1. You find new muscles you didn't even know you had.
2. You're unable to take a "good" shower in the morning so you look ratty all day. (If Michael still loves me after that, I know it's real! haha)
3. Gas is SO freaking expensive. Actually, Saturday was the day it was most expensive. I bought about 35 gallons that day. And my car was still on E where I left it the day before.
4. Stairs. Ugh.
5. Packing until 5 am only to wake up and move at 9 am.
6. Packing.
7. New Roommates.
8. Not being able to find anything because you put it in a box where you "knew you'd remember" where it was.
9. Changing addresses at every institution you belong to. You forget how many that is until you try to do all of this.
10. Cleaning. Yah, the new place you're moving in to is spic-n-span... but the old place, there's dust you didn't even know about.

I'm sure the list continues on... but that's it for now. If you've got to move any time in the near future, I feel for ya!!!

Jealousy... is takin over me...

Not really. I think it's a song. Maybe? Anyway.

I must say... I'm doing REALLY well (MUCH better than I have with any boyfriend before) with Michael's exes. Some of them are still around because of various reasons (before you criticize, just trust me that they're significant reasons). They're not around in that sense... he just has to keep in touch with some of them because of, well, I'm not getting into that.

So. Tonight, surfing around on myspace, I saw something that initially made me jump (it was nothing, really) but it was one of those things where I had to stop myself and say "girl. Really?" cause I was SO overreacting.

I'm very proud of myself for not being bothered by things like that with him. For instance, the other day we sat at lunch and he had to place a phone call to one of them to get something straightened out with the bank (LONG story) and Rocky's papers. I gritted my teeth for a while, thought really nice thoughts, and then it was over. See? Harmless!

I have every right to feel the way I feel because two previous exes were capsized by THEIR exes... and I was the one that got cheated on. Hrm. Go figure. But I'm doing better with it and trust Michael more than any other guy I've ever dated.

Woo-hoo! This means I'm growing up! :)

I <3 Michael and he <3's me... and that means a whole WORLD of difference to me!


[oh, and JUST to clarify... Michael's not his REAL name... Duh!!]