Now that it's been a year...

... well, almost. Maybe a little over.

I can't say that I'm "back" but I can say that I have somewhat of an urge to start writing again. So many things have happened in this one year. Part of me wishes they'd already been written down here, but part of me is glad they were written the way they were... transformed into art.

Yes, that's right. I've become an artist.

For the past few years I've been exceptionally good at being numb to my feelings - anything and everything that comes along with that. A few events this past February lead me to do some inner soul searching and introspection.

Last night, while doing art with Mrs. Artsy, we pulled cards. That's something we usually do, and it's just for fun. Sometimes it's shocking to see that it's pertinent to what's going on in life... but aren't they all? They're just so vague and your brain can work its magic to transform what it's saying to be relevant to you.

This one I pulled, however, applies to my therapy.

By meditating on a past issue with new wisdom and insight and an acceptance of personal responsibility and forgiveness, reclamation may take place. A spiritual re-amalgamation of a facet of the individual's personality, for the purposes of clearing and self-empowerment, may be possible, and a healthy union in the soul the result. Reassurance is gained from a reunion of this nature, revealing whether the correct path was taken and your decisions were based on valid and honest instincts and motivations.

Well isn't that telling?!

I can say, now that I look back and read some things from this blog. I read different books, I challenge myself with different things, I occupy my time differently... and it's all for the better. I'm happy and I'm so glad I've found myself.

PS. I also have a ridiculously amazing boyfriend. Definitely going to need a pseudonym for him ;)

Growth

Today, I grew a little bit. As a person.

I took what someone had to tell me at face value. I believed them. I understood exactly what it is they had to say. And I get it.

Not only am I a day older... I'm a day wiser.

Thank you to two unexpected messengers. ;)

Introspection

As of late, I've been partying. A lot. It has to do with my friendship with Fran, that's for sure. I want to settle in to some dating relationships, but I have way too much fun. So, for me, I'm going to discuss several aspects of my life in the following paragraphs. Hopefully you'll read and offer up something good in the advice arena. If not, oh well.

Friendships
The friendships I've made in Texas have been solid, to an extent. I feel like I have good friends here, but they're not the best in the world. My bestie lives in Hawaii and I don't have much face-to-face with her, but she's there for me, she doesn't judge, and she's an amazing person. Fran, on the other hand, is my partner in crime. And crime it is. We're a lot a like, but she pushes the envelope farther than I do. Personality differences, I suppose. I wish there was a way to be completely anonymous about stories she and I have. If so, I'd write day and night. Some good, some bad, some scandalous, and some absolutely ridiculous. Book material, that good. I'm jaded when it comes to friendships at the moment. Opening up about this is not going to be my forte.

Relationships
There are many guys in my life at the moment. They're all incorporated into the perfect man. This always happens when I'm single... I keep a roster of a few that sit on the bench. I call them in to play when they're needed and it's a win/win situation, for me at least. One is my go-to for dates and social outings, another for fun outdoor activities, another for awesome conversation. Pretty soon, one will start to stand out and all the others will fade into the background.

Work
I've written many posts on this subject and nothing has changed. Right now, I have 4 options/offers on the table for my taking. I just have to make the ridiculously hard decision on which company and position it's going to be. This is one of those career-defining moments. I hope I make the right one...

Roommate
I'm actually incredibly happy with my roomie right now. He's become better since he got rid of the girl he was dating. Maybe I was just annoyed by all of that, or maybe it just changed him slightly. Who knows? He's really chill, doesn't invade my space... so what if he eats all the eggs? ;) haha!

Travel
I'm itching. Severely. I would love nothing more than to just jaunt around Europe for months and months, to live there, to do something fun like that. I'm talking still with the company I used to work for on the project out there. We'll see if that happens. If I get an offer to go there, I will hop on a plane tomorrow. You only get those types of opportunities once in a lifetime.

Family
I miss them dearly. My little sisters are so cute. They're learning to have better conversations on the phone. One of them likes to tell me jokes and the other one is learning how to leave voicemails. Absolutely adorable. I can't wait until they're teenagers - just a few more years. They're coming to visit at the end of the summer. I cannot wait for this. It's going to be so much fun. Now, I just need to get my brother over here....

That's about it, I guess. I'm feeling pretty somber at the moment. More apathetic than usual... but that's alright, I suppose. We all go through these moments in our lives. Big decision times, lots of crazy-ness.... I guess that's why it's called an introspection.

Now you know. ;)

4 fun things... before I go.

1. Kaskade will be here on June 19. Omg, the anticipation.
2. Carrie will be here even sooner than that - on Monday. We're going to have an amazing week.
3. I've been running a lot lately (not this week, but previous ones). I've run so much, it baffles even me. Kudos.
4. I have been contemplating writing a book again. I think I have a big story to tell. It just feels like an incredibly long and huge process.

Independence

There comes a point every so often that I just need a break. A break from the world, a break from people pestering me for this and that, a break from my friends. I just need to be me - go somewhere, experience something, do something - all on my own.

I have been working non-stop. I volunteered yesterday (amazing experience, by the way) and want to do more. I want to do my Rosetta Stone and become fluent. There are a lot of to-do's on my list and they don't involve the random shit I've been occupying my time doing. Being social has its disadvantages.

My mood has changed to include some bitterness. I don't understand the need for constant contact from friends. I feel you should be an addition to someone's life, not center yourself around it. I feel like that's how a few of my friends want me to treat them right now and I don't have the time or energy for it.

I want to go back to Italy and just be. I want to roam the streets, meet the friendly people, and soak in the sunshine.

As much as I'd like to work for the CC full time right now, I feel like I need to get out of the country, explore, and take an international position I've spoken of before.

I suppose the real question is why do I feel the need to get away so much? I felt the need to get out of Atlanta and move to a new city. I now feel the need to go bigger.

It's all part of my independence. It's all part of who I am.

I don't think that's going to change.

Heavy Hitting

Right now, it’s a pivotal point in my career. The OG wants to offer me a full time position. The Consulting Co. (CC) would LOVE to offer me something full time but isn’t quite sure how she can work it at the moment. And an ad-agency that’s working on our website at the OG wants to hire me full time. I get weekly calls from recruiters who are interested in giving me project work. I’m in high demand.

In talking with my boss at CC, she offered up an awesome alternative solution. One of our major clients is a Consumer Packaged Goods company and they’re looking for a transitional person and/or someone to work 20 hours a week. It would be an amazing transition for me in my career. This would put me on a path to do what I’ve wanted to do (work on a major brand) and lead me into the big giants like Pepsi Co, Dr Pepper Snapple Group, and Frito Lay.

I also had a conversation today with the lady who is the international liaison for the worldwide portion of the company I worked for in Atlanta. I told her my project idea for the international partners and she thought it was great! She also thought it would be a good time to bring it up to the 'powers that be' because of the company's position at the moment and the timing of their next global meeting. This could be promising...

I’m on a mission.

I’m dead set on being the best I can be.

Going out and partying, living it up, blowing money on going out (and putting on the pounds), doing reckless and wild things – that’s not me. And that’s what I’ve been portrayed as to those that don’t know me well. My (not at work) friends don’t know the giving me. They don’t know the domesticated, creative, professional, talented me. All they know is the fun-loving, drunk, isn’t afraid of anything me… and that’s scary.

So, tonight, I didn't go out. I stayed in and talked to a boy. (that's so 9th grade of me...) I actually enjoyed this Friday night, too. Tomorrow, I'll work out, do some chores, and take care of some things. Hopefully it'll be sunny so I can lay by the pool a little. It'll be a nice day of relaxation before all of the heavy hitting I've got lined up for next week!

10 Things I need to find motivation to do...

1. File my taxes. I know some of this isn't my doing (the whole procrastinating) but I need to just buckle down and go do it!
2. Learn Illustrator CS2. I bought a few books some weeks ago and just need to get into them.
3. Take a French Class. Honing my French skills before they disappear would be nice. This might be one of my "getting out of debt rewards" to myself. Hmmm...
4. Iron my clothes. My wardrobe is significantly limited when half my shiz isn't ironed when I go to put it on in the AM. OF COURSE I'd rather sleep the extra 10 mins.
5. Finish some mktg. conslulting co. projects in queue. New, more pressing, things have just come up all the time!
6. Keep up with the working out regime. I was going 3x a week for a while and I just haven't found the time recently. I went today, so that was good!
7. File the papers to sue the biatch.

Ok, so there's 7. The shorter this list, the happier I'll be about this. Gotta love figuring shit out.... :)

Perception is everything.

Recently, I've been told by two people very close to me that I am good at pretty much anything. The presentation of these words from one was most endearing, in the form of playful jealousy that turned into a compliment, "God, does she suck at anything?!" From another, it was a mockery and a most unwelcome comment, "You just know everything, don't you?"

This got me to pondering.

And thinking about this.

I learned at church a few weeks ago that we should take these comments in stride and understand that people who love discipline also love knowledge but people who hate criticism are stupid. Yep, that's what it says in the Bible. Check out Proverbs 12 :)

Anyway, so I've been evaluating these comments, both presented in very different ways, and want to explore what I do and do not know... what I am good at, and what I am not. Perhaps what I am good at is displaying confidence that I can at least try anything, and end up being good at some.

- I am good at cooking... recipes... off the top of my head... whatever the case may be.
- I am not good at singing. Whatsoever.
- I am good at scrapbooking, crafts, and taking care of kids.
- I am not so good at taking great pictures - but I do get some good ones in there.
- I am good at driving defensively. (some people may consider this bad driving... he he!)
- I am good at reading, writing, proofreading,
- I am not good at school (thank God for 24 more days!!)
- I am good at swimming, random knowledge, and knowing the difference between right and wrong.
- I am not good at sports. ANY sports.
- I am good at taking care of people, decorating, and thinking out of the box.

I'm sure I could continue this list of things I do very well and not so great... but the point is, I am bad at some things, I don't know everything, and I'm just a normal person who deserves to better herself.

So fucking what if I'm optimistic and like to try new things. And so what if I am good at some things. I'm not perfect... But, maybe I should be more inspirational... and maybe I should work on improving the way I come off so the perception is such.