Decisions, decisions

This week is a week of seismic proportions when it comes to decision-making.

3 job offers
An awesome trip to DC for 10 days

I think the job thing takes the cake. I really hope I'm making the right decision with this.... and I hope everything works out well. The worst part will be to tell my boss I'm leaving. I'm not sure if she's going to be happy about it. She'll be happy for me, but I doubt she'll be happy for herself, if you know what I mean.

So, I'm going to DC for 10 days with work... and my mom and sisters come out here for a week after that. July is pretty much done for me :)

It's decision-making time! Wish me luck!!

Independence

There comes a point every so often that I just need a break. A break from the world, a break from people pestering me for this and that, a break from my friends. I just need to be me - go somewhere, experience something, do something - all on my own.

I have been working non-stop. I volunteered yesterday (amazing experience, by the way) and want to do more. I want to do my Rosetta Stone and become fluent. There are a lot of to-do's on my list and they don't involve the random shit I've been occupying my time doing. Being social has its disadvantages.

My mood has changed to include some bitterness. I don't understand the need for constant contact from friends. I feel you should be an addition to someone's life, not center yourself around it. I feel like that's how a few of my friends want me to treat them right now and I don't have the time or energy for it.

I want to go back to Italy and just be. I want to roam the streets, meet the friendly people, and soak in the sunshine.

As much as I'd like to work for the CC full time right now, I feel like I need to get out of the country, explore, and take an international position I've spoken of before.

I suppose the real question is why do I feel the need to get away so much? I felt the need to get out of Atlanta and move to a new city. I now feel the need to go bigger.

It's all part of my independence. It's all part of who I am.

I don't think that's going to change.

The whole truth. And nothing but the truth.

For the past 6 months I've been holding out. EHhh... perhaps it has been longer than that, but whatever.

I've been completely and utterly fucking miserable. I can contribute about 75% of that miserable-ness to the relationship I tried to make work... and 25% of it to the fact that I didn't get out when I knew it was time. Looking back, I don't think I would do it any other way but it doesn't mean it didn't suck in the process.

I guess I just didn't write about it because, once I write about it, it becomes real. Keeping this from becoming real exempted the emotions that come with the realness of the situation. If that makes sense?

So here's the whole truth. And nothing but the truth. Perhaps I'll have more to say - and be back to my fun-loving self - once I get out of this relationship.

His fault? not entirely. My fault? not entirely either. It's just that time.

I've vented and tried to work things out. I've explored all the possible options and tried everything imaginable. But it just isn't working.

So there you have it. :)

The Flu.

Sucks. Period.

Wednesday/Thursday of last week I started feeling super sick. I stayed out of work (nannying) on Friday and had to pay $65 on Saturday to get a doctor's excuse so I didn't lose my restaurant job. Let me tell you - they weren't super excited about all of this. In fact, they told me if I didn't show up then I would be "red lined", which I assume was the interim manager's way of saying "fired". I got the doc's excuse - and hopefully, we'll find out Thursday, if that's 'good enough' for them.

Anywho - I'm feeling a bit better now. This week holds a whole bucket full of emotions for me. I 'graduate' (ie - have my very last class) on Wednesday, Michael moves to DC on Tuesday, and I'm left somewhere in between to pick up the pieces.

This is supposed to be a happy time in my life - graduation - but it's overshadowed by less-happier feelings stemming from a huge decision I've made. If I don't make this decision for myself now, I never will.

I figure if I just ignore the feelings and emotions that come with all this bullshit, it'll make it so much easier. I have a lot of money to make up for being out of work this week and having to find a roommate for August 1 - just a few days away. That should keep me occupied. Oh yah, that, and the job search. It's the real deal now.

Sick physically with the flu - emotionally tired from this relationship - and overjoyed with the end of a 7 year journey to a degree.... get me the FUCK outta here.

That's exactly how I feel right now. :)

Italy is close to France, right?

Today I met with the International Business department to talk to them about studying abroad. Turns out the only program they offer in France is heavily a financial one... and the one I should go to is in Italy. It's 6 credit hours of a Strategic Management course... AND, all that's required is an open book essay test here... and a project while i'm there... and blog writing while I'm there. Well, damn. That's easy enough.

The price tag? Glad you asked... a whopping $4500 bucks on top of school tuition (which I can't seem to find anyone who knows what tuition is for maymester yet). I'm assuming it's around a grand, which is easily affordable.

Am I going to do it? Perhaps. I've got a lot to think about...

1. I'll be leaving Michael for two weeks to explore a new country. Exciting and scary all at the same time. (Had a VERY interesting conversation about this with him this afternoon... I'll have to share that in another post, though.)

2. This could be the ONE positive thing I get out of this school. All the other bullshit might actually be worth it in the end.

3. Even though I won't get to go to Paris for the study abroad, there's a full week between the time classes start and the time I get done with the program there. I could go there on my own or have Michael meet me there for a week or weekend.

4. Doing a project for two weeks in another country sounds a hell of a lot better than taking two full classes on top of the other marketing class I already have to take for this summer. The grade is mostly participation, professionalism, and this group project. Piece of cake (hopefully)!

5. It'll cost me a pretty penny, but fuck it. I've already given this school a ton of money, what's a few grand more to actually have a good time?

I think I'm gonna go ahead and apply for it. There are a few scholarships that apparently every enrolled student already pays for in fees. I could get up to a whopping $700 bucks off the cost depending on how long i've been here. For me, I've been enrolled in a gazillion semesters that add up to about 5 years, I believe.

Cross your fingers for me - cause this could be really exciting. Seriously, if this happens... I'll be in Italy in 15 weeks. That's not so far away...

10 Things I loved about this Monday

1. I woke up next to Michael. It was nice... considering we usually wake up when there's only 20 minutes we can squeeze between the "being late" to work and having to "sneak by" the boss so he may or may not notice... either way, it's worth the extra minutes of snuggling. This morning, we woke up around 5 something, which meant we had at least another two hours of scrumptious cuddling. :) It was really nice!
2. I didn't hit much traffic on my way home this morning.
3. My finals were on Saturday and are D-O-N-E!! It was a great feeling yesterday and today not having to worry about going to school or doing homework!
4. Rae and I got some bad news last week... our landlord really IS a bi-atch and completely incompetent. She'd rather have our house empty than not raise our rent by 100 bucks. Good luck finding new tenants!! Either way, we started the search for a new place today... and actually found one! The place is almost twice the size of our current place, at 100 LESS than what we've been paying in rent, AND has a fireplace and TWO bathrooms!! Needless to say, we're oh-so-excited!
5. I went to my second interview at the restaurant today. I got the job and have to memorize the menu by Saturday. Proudly, I've always been able to say that I've never waited tables. Not for long :) I think it'll be fun, and i'll make great money, i'm sure!
6. I took two naps today... mmm I love my naps!
7. I finally got my last check from the Marketing project I did this summer. Money in the mail makes for a damn good Monday!
8. I got to catch up on my episodes of The Hills. LOVE that show - and can't wait for The City and Bromance to start in a few weeks. MTV is brilliant.
9. I talked to my momma AND my broham today... that's almost unheard of in one day!!
10. Ummm.... usually people think Mondays are blah, but not THIS Monday for me :)

I hope everyone had a FABULOUS day!

$(#&%*!!!

I started a post... but deleted it. I fear it will come to haunt me in the future if I write about it. I know, I know... I don't openly state where I live, who I am, and use pseudonyms for everything... but Lord help me if someone finds this blog in my professional life. I have to make sure everything is PC enough to make it through if that's the case. Ugh. I hate being responsible sometimes!

So, instead of saying the things I want to say, and in the manner in which I want to say it in, I'll let you come to your own conclusion as to my thoughts on this. My old manager was promoted to Director. I wish I could say SO many things right now. (in fact, there are several "draft" paragraphs below this one, which will clearly be deleted before hitting the 'publish' button) But, I can't. Damnit!

The McCain Blogette

When politics come up, I'm usually headed for the door. I hate discussing it because it's not a real discussion, it's an argument over who is right and who is wrong and who did this and that and whatever. Frankly, I could give two shits. I think both candidates (let's face it, McCain and Obama are the only two that are REALLY running...) have their share of what's wrong and what's right and me 'discussing' it with someone isn't going to change any of that.

I have friends and family that are on both sides of the spectrum and I see their point(s) on why. Obama appeals to the younger people, McCain to the older, more reserved people... I get how this all works.

I hadn't chosen a side to vote for - until I saw this... The McCain Blogette just made it real for me. Meghan is the 23 yr. old daughter of John McCain and has been blogging about her journey on the presidential campaign since October of last year. She takes pictures (random people and their funky shoes, cute outfits, and inspiring moments) and posts them there. She comments on some issues but doesn't make it the focus of her writing.

No, of course my decision for who I'm voting for to become the next president doesn't solely rely on this blog and what she's got to say - but it definitely makes this election real... and you guys know how I feel about that!

That, and I think Palin has a great sense of humor... in response to the Tina Fey impersonation on SNL, she said it was alright cause she once dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween. Hah! Love it!