So proud...

I just ran 3 miles on the treadmill only slowing to a walk twice for a quick gulp of water. I am so proud of myself.

That is all. :)

mumbo jumbo

It's *ahem* 3am and I'm just now able to write and catch you all up. I feel like life is flying by a mile a minute. So... short, choppy bullet points will have to do :) I feel like that's the best way to organize all this random information anyway!

- First of all, things with Michael are still quite crazy at the moment. I broke things off with him because he wasn't treating me the way I wanted to be treated (he wasn't treating me badly, just not the way I wanted). That only lasted a few weeks before we started talking again and he told me he didn't want me out of his life. Since then, it's been kinda blah. It's not been the way it was before, nor the way I think it should be - but we're both going through a TON of shit in our lives, so I guess it's to be expected. At least we still talk daily and spend a lot of time together - I think that's all that matters. Well, that, and we love each other. I guess that's the glue sometimes...

- This new year's whizzed by me so quickly. I didn't really make any resolutions other than to start being on time. I hate being late to places, but I can't ever seem to be on time. So far, I've pulled it off quite nicely - I've definitely cut it close a few times though!!

- Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Waiting tables is the worst fun you could ever possibly imagine. I don't wish this nightmare upon my worst enemy (ok, well, maybe). But I work at a very upscale mexican restaurant... where the food is quite expensive, which means you make a lot in tips at the end of the night. It's extremely hard work. The people are exhausting. My coworkers are absolutely insane and I despise one of my managers. I'm glad the only thing she could find to do with her life is to be a manager at a restaurant such as this. She'll amount to great things with the attitude she's got. Sense the sarcasm. Please. Anyway, so this job is sucking the life outta me... which brings me to....

- I'm looking for a new job. I interview on Tuesday for a nanny position for a 7 month old who apparently sleeps all day. My brother's girlfriend has been her nanny for a little while now and tells me this. Only, she's found the day job she wants and can no longer do it. The hours are nice, the pay is even nicer... and it'll get me out of the waiting tables business. Lord, I never thought i'd have to stoop so low...

- 140 lb. update. Well. I made it. Not on my own terms, but I made it nonetheless. Working at the restaurant - running around all the time - has made me reach my goal weight - but if I quit and go nanny, I'm afraid, I'll put those 5 lbs right back on. There's no way I can keep up with the 5 - 9 hours of running around to keep it off. Absolutely no way :) Oh well, At least I hit it!

- The school I go to has about driven me insane. This semester has been worse than previous semesters (I don't even feel like looking up all the crap I've blogged about to reference it. Just know that it's been a bunch of bullshit!). So, they wouldn't let me in certain classes - but I need them to graduate. Finally, once they let me in, I was registering during late registration. THEN, two days after my schedule was finally in, they dropped all the classes because my loan (all billion dollars I had just sitting there waiting to be used) didn't get credited to the account yet (literally, TWO flippin days later!). SO, I had to go up there and wait for 3 hours while they figured it all out........ and pay all kinds of fees and fines just to be in school this semester. If I weren't so close to graduating, I'd have given up and gone to another school! Fuckers!

- All the while this is going on, I moved from the house I lived in (biatch of a landlord - THAT is a whole 'nother story in itself) into an apartment that is the bomb-diggity. My roommate and I moved here together, though just a week or so ago, her bf and her decided to buy a house. So they did. And she's moving out in a few weeks. So sad to see her go.... and that means I've gotta find another roommate. This sucks because my luck with good roommates is ridiculously nonexistent! I did stumble on a gold mine, though. This guy was moving out of an apartment across the way and asked if we wanted some of his furniture. Two black leather sofas, a dining room table and four chairs, and two bar stools later.... I had some new furniture. Funny how he was getting rid of the things I could use! I paid him 150 bucks and considered myself extremely lucky! (that shizzle is in damn good condition, too!) God was definitely looking out for me!

- Speaking of the lovely, himself. I plan on going next weekend to start a group with my church. We have this thing four times a year where everyone (a few thousand people) gets together to join groups for a period of weeks. You go to bible studies, etc. with people your age and in your area. I think it's going to be AWESOME!

- I've seriously missed this freakin thing. I miss writing down my thoughts and misadventures. I dunno if you all still read at all - cause I get the page hits but not any comments - so I hope you're still reading and you haven't forgotten about me! All these bullets would normally be individual posts as they happen... so thanks for sticking in there for the long haul! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Years and I can't wait to catch up on your blogs!

Ok - so there you have it. A much needed update from moi! (PS - deadline to submit everything for the study abroad in France program is Feb 16... cross your fingers for me!!)

Misery...

I've tried to steer clear of this blog for the past few days. I have so many gripes and complaints, it's unreal. Although, that's not what this blog is for (it's supposed to be about life and fun stuff!), it's turned into that - because that's how I'm feeling.

Yesterday, I felt as if the world hated me. Everything was wrong and I was taking it out on the wrong person. I was needy, inconsiderate, and ridiculous yesterday. It was slightly embarassing.

It all stems from this job, I feel. I 'work' for 8 hours a day... get paid a large sum of money... but don't DO anything. I have to make it look like i'm doing something, but I'm not really. Just surfing the net, talking to friends online, etc. I am bored out of my mind and it's making me lazy, unintelligent, it's affecting my mood, my actions, and all that other stuff.

So I've decided... I'm going to get another job. One that i'm actually busy during the day - something where I have to be there at a certain time (lord knows I need help with that), some place where I actually feel wanted and part of the team, and some place that pays decently.

Never in my life have I felt so insecure, unwanted, and stupid. That's all about to change. *sigh* thankfully, that's over!

Geeze I feel bad for Michael through all of this.

In other news, I found out that avg. D-cup boobs weigh about 9.5lbs (together).... so I have been at my 140 lb goal this whole time and didn't even know it! (that's counting my boobs! - i'm a C, not a D)

These miserable days won't be around much longer...

Let it be known... I've been completely miserable at this job for the past few weeks. My manager isn't a very good one, I'm bored most of the time, there isn't 8 hours of work, 3 times a week for me to do. So much so that I could do a 10 things, and end up with 15.

Yesterday and today have just been one big clusterfuck of anxiety. I know, I know... I wish I didn't have anxiety problems, but I do. We can't all be perfect :) Some of it has stemmed from Michael's bad day yesterday (and NOTHING I did cheered him up) and has morphed into the "hate my job" syndrome.

But I've done something positive. I've drafted an email showing my "progress check" and am asking for more responsibilities so that I'm not bored - and am praying for different things to do. And things I can add value with so that I'm not angry about wasting all my time.

This job is supposed to be a money thing and that's it. I need to do something brainless so I can focus all of my energy on studying and making kick ass grades.

Update on that...
I made an 85 on my first finance test. (Huzzah!) The lowest grade was a 9, the average was a 62.
I made a 92 on my first Marketing Research test. The average was an 80.

So, all in all, i'm doing great this semester! I have a first draft of a ridiculously hard paper due on Monday, a test Monday, a quiz Wednesday, a homework assignment due Wednesday... and the list goes on. But I'm doing it! And I actually like it.

I figured out last night that i've got 7 classes left and I'll be finished. That means Spring and then Summer and I'm DONE!!!!!!! Hooray!!

I just got a box of Godiva chocolates sent to me from Godiva corporate... how sweet of them. It wasn't skimpy, either.... 24 piece box. So much for the 140lb goal!!!

Consumer Review: Odwalla Apple Raspberry

Wow. This stuff is FABULOUS! I have a problem focusing sometimes... which is not usually a huge burden for me but has been as of late. School has been crazy and everything coincides creating so much stress and tension.

But the other day... I was in the bookstore for something else and saw the Odwalla case. I've always loved Odwalla drinks. What's there not to like about them? They're healthy, contain all kinds of good fruits for you, and taste delish. I found the Apple Raspberry and thought I'd try it out because I usually like drinks like that.

After finishing the drink, I felt more focused that I had been in a long while. Actually READY to spend four hours in the library to complete a project. Now, I'm not ignorant when it comes to the fact that advertising and messaging on the bottle probably had some sort of play in why I felt that way. But, there are also a few things in the drink that contributed significantly, I feel.

I was able to take on this particular hell week with not one, not two, but THREE group projects due (prepared and presented) as well as one regular test and a final exam. **whew** so glad THAT is over! I've got three finals and I'm done for the summer! Hooray!

Try it out and let me know what you think. :) Hooray for being healthy!!

Crazy Busy

Oh, I've been oh-so-crazy busy. This weekend is moving weekend. I'm trying to settle bills, etc. as well as play collections agent. And a whole slew of other things.

Life is about to change drastically for me - and with that comes a lot of stress and anxiety about everything. Surprisingly enough, I'm doing great with all of it - not letting any of it bother me whatsoever.

Ironically, here's my horoscope for today:

Here is your horoscope
for Thursday, April 10:

Let someone else handle all the tiny details today -- you've got bigger fish to fry. Somehow, you need to get a handle on the long-range plans for your family or workplace pretty soon.

Hmmm... I don't believe in all this nonsense, but sometimes it's just spot on!

Update on the 140 lb. goal... I'm not progressing much at this point but I haven't gained anything back either. I topped out at 148 - waivering between 145 and 150 on a daily basis. I'd consider that a good job ;) I'm still working towards it, just not seeing the pound results as quickly as before. Hooray for muscles!

140 lb update

I've been really good about eating really healthy and not eating when I'm not hungry. (which, my friends, is the CORRECT way to diet) Either way, it's all paid off. Considering I haven't been able to get the park recently because it's been so increidbly cold, I think I'm doing really well.

My scale fluctuates between 145 and 150. I'm EXTREMELY happy about that. My scale isn't entirely accurate about anything so I can't really tell you the exact weight. The times I've quoted before were done on another, more accurate scale at the house I nanny at.

Sometime mid last week, I put on a pair of my work pants that happened to be an 8 and they were extremely baggy. I was a little bummed because I LOVE those pants, but really happy because I can fit now into some of my old pants that I loved that are 6's. Hell yah!

I went to Michael's on Friday night and the first thing he said to me was "Wow. Did you lose another 20 lbs today?? You look GREAT!" That made me feel really good... and he was being honest. :)

I also received another compliment from someone I work with. She goes out of town a lot so there are sometimes weeks that I don't see her. That happened to be the case for the past few weeks, so we hadn't seen each other. She said that she noticed the weight gone. She's a vegan (more hardcore than I am) too, so she's very happy about it!

So there you have it. I'm pretty happy about the current situation. I feel better about myself and people that I care about are noticing as well. I know I'm not completely there yet, but you can't lose 19 lbs overnight!!

Brave Woman!

Today was quite a blah day outside. The sun is in hiding and it's cold and miserable out there. Lovely, since I just had my car washed on Monday and it poured last night. Either way, today was most definitely a 'soup day' in every sense of the word and since I've been sick recently, it was a wise decision.

I've been avoiding Panera like the plague due to a certain incident that took place there a few months ago. But today, I didn't want to deal with the mall parking and walking just to avoid that particular Panera to get some soup in the cold, rainy weather.

So I braved it.

I went where no woman would have ever dared go!

And I came out quite alright. Yes, the lady who made the comment about my weight was there today - but she most certainly didn't recognize my incognito disguise. Sunglasses, a hat, and a scarf wrapped around my head.

That'll show 'em!

Meanwhile... update on the 140 lb'er... I have lost another lb or so. (let's call it a 152/153 fluctuation!)

And, let's not forget our French phrase of the day, shall we?

Il fait froid!
It's cold!

The Flu is not so nice

So I've been sick since my return from New Orleans for Mardi Gras. I don't think I've felt this bad since the end of 2003 when I was in the hospital from Pneumonia. I'm just now able to sit up and eat something (soup is just about it) and actually watch the TV without getting dizzy.

My roommate is moving out in a month (which is nice... but not really because now I have to find a replacement). He told me when he first moved in that he'd only be able to stay until February so I guess the extra month was helpful. He just left a note on the counter with his "i'm moving out in a month" notification - all while I'm sick with the flu. Something I really didn't want to deal with.

People move so slowly when you're sick, too. I had to drag my sick ass to the doctor's office Wednesday morning (nice fever and all) to find out what was wrong with me. Usually, you go in, they call your name once to get your copay and insurance and then call you back and escort you directly to a room. Not this time, my friend. I don't think I've ever looked more sickly walking into that place... and they called me up to the counter at least 4 times (2 of which they mistakenly called my name)... called me back to another holding room... made me go to the "vital signs" section (you know, where they take your weight, blood pressure, etc)... and then back to the holding room... and finally into the room to wait for the doctor.

I am EXTREMELY proud of myself for not cursing at anyone during the entire process.

Speaking of the whole vital signs room.... I'm now down to 154. ;) That's a total of 5 lbs gone... and 14 more to go to get to my 140 lb goal.

J'apprends à parler français.
I am learning to speak French!

[oh... and to update... My little sister won the pageant last weekend :) I'm a VERY proud big sister!!!]

Ugh... dieting is necessary

There's nothing better than scanning through company photos on a crazy workday looking for pictures for a project I'm working on... and stumbling on some pictures taken of me last year.

I am absolutely, extremely embarrassed by the way I looked in those photos. The sad thing, I weigh more now than I did then.

So... I weigh 159 today. I would like to weigh 140. 19 lb's... you think I can do it? I think so!

19 lb's lighter. Ooodles happier. This should be fun.