UN-Resolutions

Every year, this time of year, I get really optimistic. "This year's gonna be the year for..." fill in the blank with everything from losing weight to staying organized and working out. I think about many resolutions and things that I'd like to accomplish. Usually, only after a few weeks in, I'm distracted by something - or never even sat down to think about realistic plans for the year to start with.

These past few days have started off on a ridiculous foot. I sleep the days away, my place feels like a cluttered disaster, and I am stressed about numerous things. I want to believe these jobs I have lined up are sure things. I want to think that everything is going to be hunky-dory in 2010, but my hope is fading at the moment.

The girl I sublet my apartment to in Atlanta for three months has yet to pay any rent or utilities for the month of December. That means, in addition to all the bills I have here (and my lack of income at the moment) she owes me over $1000. Perfect timing on her part.

And I was supposed to start at the pub sometime this week, but it didn't happen. The manager/owner got super busy and I was pushed to the wayside. That was supposed to be my support while waiting for these two part time positions in marketing to pan out.

I've been trying to be optimistic and not so much of a debbie downer, but it sucks even talking to people I know (who, it's obvious, care about me) because the first question out of their mouth is "So, how's the job hunt going". I would rather avoid the subject, because I know something fabulous will come along... I just need to wait for it. I'm putting forth a TON of effort, it's all about the timing.

I'm afraid of letting people know what things I have going on because if they fall through, I'm sure I have to report all of THAT, too. Oy. Such a frustrating cycle.

Anyway, so today and yesterday have been weird days. I've slept until noon or so (which is a horrible habit to start getting in to) and not accomplished much. I hung out with Michael last night because he's in town. We watched Inglourious Basterds (interesting movie, definitely a Quinten Tarantino flick). Today I scrubbed my bathroom, cleaned my closet, watched Desperate Housewives and Being Erica, started a new book, and made dinner.

To top it all off, I was making potatoes when a martini glass from the top of the fridge slid off and shattered on the counter. Because potatoes hide things like little shards of glass, I decided I wasn't going to chance it. Half of my dinner, down the drain.

I suppose anyone would LOVE a week (or two) off to accomplish things... but under these circumstances, I find it very frustrating and the opposite of relaxing.

All this mumbo jumbo just to say that I'm not really sure what 2010 holds for me. I'm not going to "resolute" to anything in particular, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good things to happen. I'm going to try out a new church tomorrow am, so hopefully that'll be one good thing to come from this blah week. Or perhaps Monday holds great secrets for me - a solid something for the future.

*sigh* I sure hope so...

Here's a good song I recently stumbled on. Might be worth checkin' out.

mumbo jumbo

It's *ahem* 3am and I'm just now able to write and catch you all up. I feel like life is flying by a mile a minute. So... short, choppy bullet points will have to do :) I feel like that's the best way to organize all this random information anyway!

- First of all, things with Michael are still quite crazy at the moment. I broke things off with him because he wasn't treating me the way I wanted to be treated (he wasn't treating me badly, just not the way I wanted). That only lasted a few weeks before we started talking again and he told me he didn't want me out of his life. Since then, it's been kinda blah. It's not been the way it was before, nor the way I think it should be - but we're both going through a TON of shit in our lives, so I guess it's to be expected. At least we still talk daily and spend a lot of time together - I think that's all that matters. Well, that, and we love each other. I guess that's the glue sometimes...

- This new year's whizzed by me so quickly. I didn't really make any resolutions other than to start being on time. I hate being late to places, but I can't ever seem to be on time. So far, I've pulled it off quite nicely - I've definitely cut it close a few times though!!

- Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Waiting tables is the worst fun you could ever possibly imagine. I don't wish this nightmare upon my worst enemy (ok, well, maybe). But I work at a very upscale mexican restaurant... where the food is quite expensive, which means you make a lot in tips at the end of the night. It's extremely hard work. The people are exhausting. My coworkers are absolutely insane and I despise one of my managers. I'm glad the only thing she could find to do with her life is to be a manager at a restaurant such as this. She'll amount to great things with the attitude she's got. Sense the sarcasm. Please. Anyway, so this job is sucking the life outta me... which brings me to....

- I'm looking for a new job. I interview on Tuesday for a nanny position for a 7 month old who apparently sleeps all day. My brother's girlfriend has been her nanny for a little while now and tells me this. Only, she's found the day job she wants and can no longer do it. The hours are nice, the pay is even nicer... and it'll get me out of the waiting tables business. Lord, I never thought i'd have to stoop so low...

- 140 lb. update. Well. I made it. Not on my own terms, but I made it nonetheless. Working at the restaurant - running around all the time - has made me reach my goal weight - but if I quit and go nanny, I'm afraid, I'll put those 5 lbs right back on. There's no way I can keep up with the 5 - 9 hours of running around to keep it off. Absolutely no way :) Oh well, At least I hit it!

- The school I go to has about driven me insane. This semester has been worse than previous semesters (I don't even feel like looking up all the crap I've blogged about to reference it. Just know that it's been a bunch of bullshit!). So, they wouldn't let me in certain classes - but I need them to graduate. Finally, once they let me in, I was registering during late registration. THEN, two days after my schedule was finally in, they dropped all the classes because my loan (all billion dollars I had just sitting there waiting to be used) didn't get credited to the account yet (literally, TWO flippin days later!). SO, I had to go up there and wait for 3 hours while they figured it all out........ and pay all kinds of fees and fines just to be in school this semester. If I weren't so close to graduating, I'd have given up and gone to another school! Fuckers!

- All the while this is going on, I moved from the house I lived in (biatch of a landlord - THAT is a whole 'nother story in itself) into an apartment that is the bomb-diggity. My roommate and I moved here together, though just a week or so ago, her bf and her decided to buy a house. So they did. And she's moving out in a few weeks. So sad to see her go.... and that means I've gotta find another roommate. This sucks because my luck with good roommates is ridiculously nonexistent! I did stumble on a gold mine, though. This guy was moving out of an apartment across the way and asked if we wanted some of his furniture. Two black leather sofas, a dining room table and four chairs, and two bar stools later.... I had some new furniture. Funny how he was getting rid of the things I could use! I paid him 150 bucks and considered myself extremely lucky! (that shizzle is in damn good condition, too!) God was definitely looking out for me!

- Speaking of the lovely, himself. I plan on going next weekend to start a group with my church. We have this thing four times a year where everyone (a few thousand people) gets together to join groups for a period of weeks. You go to bible studies, etc. with people your age and in your area. I think it's going to be AWESOME!

- I've seriously missed this freakin thing. I miss writing down my thoughts and misadventures. I dunno if you all still read at all - cause I get the page hits but not any comments - so I hope you're still reading and you haven't forgotten about me! All these bullets would normally be individual posts as they happen... so thanks for sticking in there for the long haul! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Years and I can't wait to catch up on your blogs!

Ok - so there you have it. A much needed update from moi! (PS - deadline to submit everything for the study abroad in France program is Feb 16... cross your fingers for me!!)

Focus.

Or a lack thereof.

I'm trying really hard. I really am. This semester has kicked my ass from here to there and back again. For one, things with Michael are going extremely well and all I want to do is spend all of my time with him. His son is in town until the 26th and we've been doing all kinds of cool things around the city. For two, I took WAAAAaaaay too many classes this summer. I have group projects in three of my four classes. I am a shitty test-taker and always have been. For three, I have no motivation right now whatsoever. None to focus with. None to actually buckle down and do what I need to do to succeed. My mind goes blank at precisely the wrong time all the time.

And that's not like me. Not one bit.

So... for the next two weeks until this hellacious semester is over... I won't be back. I'll still check up on your blogs - cause I've got a blackberry now and can do that on the train, but I won't be writing here until then. It sucks because this is my outlet for funny things and rants and raves and opinions, but I've got to do something to keep my ass from having to re-take a class or two.

C'est la vie.

See ya in two weeks!

Ugh... dieting is necessary

There's nothing better than scanning through company photos on a crazy workday looking for pictures for a project I'm working on... and stumbling on some pictures taken of me last year.

I am absolutely, extremely embarrassed by the way I looked in those photos. The sad thing, I weigh more now than I did then.

So... I weigh 159 today. I would like to weigh 140. 19 lb's... you think I can do it? I think so!

19 lb's lighter. Ooodles happier. This should be fun.

Some days...

The day started with me being 10 minutes late to a meeting... and getting a boot on my car during lunch.

At least it'll end better!

Getting rid of 2007

This year hasn't been the greatest. In fact, I've been comparing it to my "worst year ever" which was 2003. I lost my best friend and cousin, bought a new car (my dream car) and 5 days later it was wrecked, was in the hospital for a week and a half with pneumonia, broke up with my boyfriend of over a year and a half, and the list just keeps going.

2007 has proven to be just as bad, if not, worse. I won't go into the small details - as they really don't matter. All I can do is hope for a better 2008.

I can hope and dream all I want... but it's up to me to make it happen. To hang out at all the right places, to see and do everything I want, and to find good people to spend it with.

Here goes.

C'est la vie!

[Disclaimer: The majority of 2007 was AMAZING - trips to over 13 cities, most new to me - along with having fun with really close friends. The "shitty" part I'm referring to is the last few months - just as 2003 was]