10 [Random] Things...

Oh what a day.

1. Last night, I lay awake until the weeeee hours of the morning. 4am in particular. I have SO many thoughts swirling in my head... to do's, to call's, more to do's, what-if's, you know, the usual. So my sleep pattern has been ridiculously flip-flopped and I can't seem to get a handle on it. For instance, I slept until 1 pm this afternoon. Yep. 1 pm. Fuck.

2. Once I got up, I got my things together and headed to the dealership. My car has been making this lovely screeching noise when it starts and it doesn't sound that great. Did I mention that my car hates Texas? Cause it does.

My Honda only has 60K on it, so these things shouldn't be happening, but thank God for the mysterious 100K PLATINUM extended warranty that happened to fall in my lap. Who knew you could get such a steal of a car without knowing it. I now have a rental car (paid by the warranty) and my car will be fixed without me shelling out a dime. This, my friends, is a blessing.

3. I barely made it to the drug test place today. It's Tuesday - and if I want to start this jobbie-job on Monday, I need that test to come back THIS WEEK. Normally, a 48 hour return time, but since it was so late in the day, it's gonna be 72 for me. Hopefully everything is done and I can start on Monday. Cross your fingers.

4. My lady friend who is supposed to be in town every single month has been quite a bitch lately. She didn't show up in November, stayed for two weeks in December, and just showed up for January. I don't know what she's doing, but I'm not happy about it. Bitch.

5. I started the "Fat Smash Diet" yesterday. It's actually NOT one of those "fad" diets where you starve yourself of essential nutrients - it's almost like being a vegan for a week, working out, and then slowly adding small portions of food back into your diet. It sucks. And I cheated today and had a tortilla. And I haven't made it to the gym yet. But, I really want to do it - just to say that I did.

6. My list of to-do's just keeps getting longer and longer and longer. And my will to take care of these things just keeps getting shorter and shorter and shorter. :)

7. I read Little Bitty Lies last week and I'm reading Savannah Breeze this week. Both really good books that I would recommend.

8. I'm working on some stuff for pre-research to my start at the new company. I'm going to have to find some clever name to call it on the blog, of course, for anonymity. First order of business.... a new website. ASAP, as he says.

9. I called the last pub I applied to today and asked where he was at in the process... he said to come in on Friday at 3 to interview. Hopefully I'll get that job and we'll be good to go. :) I'm ready to start making some money!!

10. Oh, I most certainly saved the best for last. This weekend, I went to see some friends at a random bar in the city. As I was there (a real eclectic place, might I add) there were two girls and a guy. The two girls were wearing exactly the same sleazy dress. Barely covered their ta-ta's and only halfway covered their undies, if there were any undies. One was sans shoes and the other had on hooker heels. As I watched them walk around, mostly looking a bit schwasted-face, I carried on the conversation with my friends.

All of a sudden I saw the one sans shoes come back by with a strip of toilet paper hanging from her rear.

Yes ma'am. Hanging from her buttocks.

The toilet paper was at least half a foot long, maybe longer. Perhaps her bitch had come to town this particular night as well and she was unprepared? Or maybe she was wiping and her thighs just stuck together (they were quite large) and held on to the paper? Or she could have just been trying to get the same attention she was getting wearing that dress? Who knows... but EVERYONE in the place was staring.

Normally, if said paper were stuck to the bottom of some girl's shoe (no matter how sleazy the shoe/outfit) I would make an effort to be a good person and help her out with the situation. But how awkward would THAT conversation be!?

Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to take a picture on the sly. So it'll have to just stay in my memory.

I'm bad, aren't I? Haha. It was hilarious though, you've gotta give me that!

10 [random] Things...

1. I'm working on a scrapbook for Michael and I. It's of all of our 2008 pictures. Somehow this nostalgia has brought him into a SUPER lovey-dovey mode (you know, extra special sweet... not just the normal sweet he already is). And I love it! :)
2. It's that time. Of the month. And I dispise it.
3. I bought a textbook for school online at textbookw.com.... I've been waiting on it for 2 weeks. I JUST now found out it's out of stock. Fuckers.
4. This website is extremely cute. :) Shineboxprint.com


5. I enjoy the new "job" only somewhat. It's tedious and somewhat boring but pays well and is EASY-peasy. What more could I ask for while I'm in school? (free money, that's what!!)
6. I L-O-V-E Michael. love love love love him :) Yep. Everyone knows it. That's nothing new :)
7. Saturday night we got drunk with some friends and watched the fight. I did some funny drunky mcdrunkerson things. hehe... that's what I do, apparently.
8. I've started reading a series of books by Wendy Markham... Slightly Single, Slightly Settled, Slightly Engaged, Slightly Married, and Slightly Suburban. I JUST finished Slightly Settled and both books have been really really good... and ended up being quick reads because I've gotten into them.
9. I also read (in between those two) "Dedication" by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus. I loved their other two books (Nanny Diaries and Citizen Girl) so I had to pick this one up... and ended up read it in like 3 days.
10. Yesterday, Michael and I went to my mom's house to have lunch with my two little sisters, my brother and his girlfriend, and my mom and stepdad. We had a blast! We all played the "are you smarter than a 5th grader" board game (because it's their favorite... they're only 7 and 8 yrs old). Michael and I came in second :) But it was just great having my family there... all of it! My mom arranged for us to have a family picture done because we haven't had one since my littlest sister was only a few months old. Geeze, that was forever ago!

Anyway, so many random things going on. I think we're going to eat sushi and go to the park tonight. :) Hope you guys are doing fabulous!

Definitely, Maybe

I watched it. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be. Not one bit. As I sat down with my dinner I thought, "sweet! Romantic comedy here I come!" Boy, was I wrong.

This movie made me re-evaluate my life. Hah. Yep. You read that right. It was sweet, it was charming, I can't believe dude (I don't remember actor's and actresses names just can recall their faces) actually played a serious role for once in his life. He's damn good at it.

Quick little overview:
Guy has a daughter and she wants him to tell her (in the midst of his divorce from her mom) HOW they fell in love... not just that they did and they lived happily ever after... but the whole story (previous girlfriends and all). So that's the story. He talks about the women who were previously in his life and his whole story of girls he dated, but makes it a mystery so his daughter can guess.

That's all I'm going to give you so it doesn't spoil it for you.

Anywho... this got me to thinking about MY exes and what impact they've made in my life. How they've continued to jump in and out of my life at any given moment (I should write a book). Yes, I've come back to guys and had relationships with them even after a break-up the first time. Crazy, I know.

So I logged on to my private journal (yep, I've got one of those, and believe me, it's been a savior at times) and wrote my relationship story... the history... did I love him, did I not... the key things I remembered about that relationship, etc. And I came to find that I don't really remember much about anything - because that's how I get over someone. I try to forget the good times and just remember why we broke up so I can amicably move on. Is that wrong?

I did have a boyfriend at one time who burned all of the things that he possessed that reminded him of me and tried to do the whole "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" thing and erase my memory. THAT was weird. But I've never really "erased" any of them... just gotten over any sort of attraction that was there.

Yeesh. That was a ridiculously deep moment. Probably not a good thing considering what time of the month it is. Ugh.

Shitacular Day

Let's talk about this. Today has been quite shitty thus far...and it's only 11:30 am.

- I woke up from a dream where a fat man kept hugging me and wouldn't let me go. It was annoying. And weird.
- I get up, get my shower, get ready... all that good stuff. And take Rae's dog out. (well, I kinda just let him out so he could go to the bathroom and then come back... I didn't actually walk him because I didn't have time)This lady starts honking her horn outside of my house because a little weiner dog is loose in my yard. My front door is open. I'm watching him. He's only in my yard. I don't see the problem here.
- I leave for the train station. I was walking there - but it's so freakin hot that I just drive the 1/2 mile there and back - not a big deal. There's a train at 10:15 (optimal for me to catch) and one at 10:30. If I don't catch the 10:30 one, I'm screwed and not going to make it on time for my class. I run up the stairs as the train is closing its doors. The operater looks straight at me and pulls away from the station. Yep. I missed it. Not a big deal... I'll just drive to school and pay the 6$ parking.
- I drive down the highway... a 55mph speed limit... a 14 lane highway... that everyone goes 80 on a normal day. Today it was 65. Even in the left lane. Irritating.
- I finally made it but reached into my purse to pull out some cash - to find none. I needed to find an ATM. So I pull out my GPS and type in for the nearest ATM. 2 miles away, sweet!
- I drive there. This particular location is now closed. FUCK. I had to drive another few miles to another ATM. All the ATM's in the city are walk-up with no parking. Kinda funny cause to park, you have to have some cash but to get some cash you have to be able to park. Ridiculous.
- I finally get some money and drive ALLLLLllllll the way back to school. I had to park on the 6th level. It's already 20 minutes into class at this point. I contemplate just not going but decided I need to.
- As I'm walking to class, the "red bull" car pulls up and asks me if I want a red bull.

Now let's talk about this. A red bull. I have only put such toxins in my body while it's mixed with Jager and in the form of a shot. I don't consume things with High Fructose Corn Syrup, anything "enriched", or anything hydrogenated/partially hydrogenated. It's bad for your body.

- As I stare at the ingredients of this red bull and think about my morning thus far... I say "fuck it" and pop the top... drinking about 1/4 of the can. I left it on the top of a trash can because I'm sure some homeless person is gonna want it later.

- I get to class... a whole 35 minutes late (thankfully someone else was just as late as I was and was walking in at the same time)... and find that we're doing some equation bullshit. That's just great.
- At the break, this guy who is in several of my classes turns around and says "how'd you do on the homework?" HOMEWORK? FUCK. What homework?? Ugh. So now i've gotta fill out this sheet and hope she'll accept it at the end of class.

Let's hope today gets somewhat better. It just has to. I get to see Lifehouse and Matt Nathanson tonight with Rae. Should be splendid. And then Michael comes back on Saturday. Huzzah!

(oh, and did I mention that I'm about to start my girl stuff for the week??)

Saving the day...one visit at a time...

I'm not going to lie... things are rough right now. All these monstrous changes are happening in my life and I am the cause of it all. I want to go back to school. My lease ended and I needed a new place to live. I have to give my cat away to someone - that's a whole post in itself.

So, needless to say... today's not been all that great. And neither was yesterday, in fact. These shitty days will probably continue for the next couple of weeks until I get settled and in to a place where I'm comfortable.

Today's been the brunt of the anxiety attacks. And when I get these anxiety attacks, nothing is there to stop me from thinking crazy - off the wall - preposterous ideas about things that have to do with me. For instance: "Omg... you could get in a car crash and die tomorrow" or "Why isn't Michael calling me? It's only been 10 minutes since I left him" and just really weird stuff [yah, I know, it's fun being inside my head at these times. Let me tell ya!].

So tonight, I expected that Michael would come over because of an earlier conversation we'd had. He said it wasn't a done-deal because he had stuff to do... and if he didn't finish that stuff, then, well, he couldn't come. I talked to him several times - waited to eat dinner until after he called just to make sure he didn't want to eat together, you know, just the normal stuff we do together. Each time I talked to him, his visit was pushed off more and more. I have to give him some credit, though. We talked on the phone for an hour and a half... and I don't have a bed set up - nor do I have hot water here yet. (ah, the joys of moving)

I told him how I felt - that the world was crashing down and I needed him to come save me, perhaps. I was honest and told him that I just really needed him here with me. And of course I pulled the "well, I come to your house a lot" - which, I admit, was a very low blow, indeed, and tried to pull it back into my mouth just as soon as it left. To which he firmly corrected me and told me it wasn't about that at all.

It was about him being tired.

Hrmph. Immediate thought (though I was careful enough to keep that thought INSIDE my head at that point) "why, if I can drop everything I have just to come be with you when you say you need me, can you not do the same?" Oh yes. That's exactly the selfish thought that went through my head. I can tell you why, though. Because that is exactly how I was treated in the past. No one wanted to lift a finger for me - even though i'd given them the world.

Thinking it was almost just as bad as saying it. There were some other things i'd said... like "If it's too big of a hassle, then don't worry about it" or "If you're tired, then I understand"... which, I would. If he's tired, then he's tired. Our conversation continued for a little while longer, then he said he'd call me right back.

[Don't get the wrong idea, here, we were talking about these things and most certainly not arguing. I, admitedly was in a ridiculous mood and completely dispised my attitude at the time.]

[My cell phone rings like sonar. It's really weird but I kinda like it. So for me to say "ring, ring" wouldn't do it justice. Imagine, if you will, a sonar sound...]

"Ring, ring!"

Michael: "Hey, you've got shampoo, right? And toothpaste?"
Me: "You're coming over!?"
Michael: "Yes. I know you need me right now"
Me: "I know i'm being really selfish but this is just a lot of stuff at once. Are you sure you want to come?"
Michael: "It's ok to be selfish sometimes... at least you were honest with me about your feelings."

Halelujah.... he's on his way :)

And THAT, my friends, is a keeper!