Renaissance

Tonight, driving home from small group, I felt an incredible connection with God. I know I don't write much about my spiritual life on here - because I haven't felt all that connected recently. It's like, I want SO badly for it to be there, but it's not as strong as it once was.

I popped in a CD I haven't listened to since maybe last summer. Mat Kearney's Nothing Left to Lose. Many people don't know that he's a Christian singer, but he is. And he's fabulous at it.

As I get in the car, the song "Renaissance" starts to play. This song was instrumental in getting me through some tough times I had around May of last year. I must say, it brought back a rush of things I haven't felt in quite some time... tears in my eyes and a smile across my face. As I looked out of the sunroof, the moon was shining bright, the air comfortingly warm, and the clouds were remarkable.

Here are the lyrics. I highly recommend listening to the song at some point. His voice is amazing.

Through the chorus of this song, I am reminded that He is here for me when things are rough. He's the "wall when you fall down", "on the rocks when you break down", and you can "hear it in the song when you call out".... and that's just the reassurance I need sometimes. :)


Mat Kearney - Renaissance

This is my renaissance
This is my one response
This is the way I say I love you

This is my second chance
This is my one romance
This is the cutting line
On which I stand to show you

It happened fast in a flash, just this evening
As I hit the gas, horn blast, brakes were screaming
As the car crashed, broken glass, broke my dreaming
I hit the dash, so fast my ears are ringing
My sister's on the right side just slightly leaning
I grabbed her hand hard until she started breathing
My brother's in the back, jaw cracked from the beating
The breath in my chest has slipped and I'm sinking
Blinking through diamond spider webs of cracked glass
I'm trying to remember all the words you said in the past
Through the ash, siren screams and red beams
I hear you sing softly to me

CHORUS:
I can be the wall when you fall down
Find me on the rocks when you break down
I heard it in the song when you call out
But I got to say now it's got to change

This is my broken heart
This is my bleeding start
This is the way I've come to know you

This is my winding road
This is my way back home
This is the narrow door you know that I will walk through

I got a letter today of why she went away
She said, "It's better this way, you knew I never could stay."
Half empty closets and frames, all that's left to my name
As she left in the rain and left my heart on a chain
Three years I've built this two-face tower for hours on a lease
You gave me one yellow flower that said rest in peace
In pieces I've broken open to think too much or just enough
Alone to trust midst the rubble and the dust
Humbled, it took this much to break down and understand
Spent my life this far on castles made of sand
Tossed in the breakers in the palm of your hand
Now I can finally stand

I can be the one
I heard it in the song
And I can be the one
I heard it in the song

This is my renaissance
This is my one response
This is the way I say I love you

10 [exciting] Things about this week...

1. You know that study abroad program I've been talking about for, like, ever now??!? WELLLllllll... I had an interview (impromptu, might I add) with the sponsor of the trip and he wants me to go!!! So that means I'm accepted into the program and I get to go to Italy for Maymester!!! This also means other great things for my school stuff. I only have to take ONE class this summer and I'll be done! Which means I'll technically be able to start working as much as I'd like and that'll be fabulous! I'm going to need it to pay off the cost of this trip, but it's so worth it! I got the good news yesterday and I couldn't be more excited.

2. Carrie comes to see me in exactly 27 days. OMG, it's finally here!! I cannot WAIT!! We're going to go see Confessions of a Shopaholic (I'm so glad she's waiting to see it with me - you have NO idea how big of a deal it is for her to actually wait to see a movie!)

3. Michael invited me to go HOME with him to meet his parents, etc. (yes, HOME is a different city and state and timezone...) This just happened today. Ummmm I kinda freaked out for a second but I'm really excited! We had actually planned this for the Christmas holidays but it didn't end up working out like that. So, he wanted to go for a short weekend in two weeks for his son's birthday and wants me to come. That's $180 round trip for a plane ticket. I feel like it's worth it, though. :) This is a huge step in our relationship, by the way...

4. I called my credit card company (the one I have with the whopping almost 6 grand in fun money on it) and had my interest rate lowered from 18.9 (who the fuck has an 18.9% interest rate with my credit score?!) to 3.99.... fabulous!! I don't know why I never thought to ask for a lower interest rate before. I just thought that's what you had to pay. I've been hearing from other people that they've called and now have been able to pay off their card - instead, I feel like I've been paying them a shit ton of interest these past few years. :)

5. Blaire is moving back to the city THIS WEEKEND!! I'm SO excited for her! She'll be closer and I'll be able to see her more often :)

6. Rae moved out a week ago and I'm still looking for a roommate. I've posted an ad on craigslist but haven't found anything just yet... gotta keep looking!

7. My Nutrition class was supposed to have a test on Tuesday. My teacher sent an email (that I didn't get) and said we were going to have it next week instead... this means I get more time to prepare for it. MUCH needed, thank you! I absolutely LOVE this class. I give Carrie the good scoop every Tuesday once I get out.

8. I start my nanny job on Monday. I'll be making about 300 bucks a week for about 20 hours (FABULOUS!!) and then I have Thursday mornings and Saturday nights at the restaurant. That should make up the difference for all of my bills. :) I can't wait to start this nanny job - I'm going to have so much homework time - I'll actually be caught up with all of my classes.

9. I finally have all of my W2's and can go get my taxes done. I'm a bit timid about it because of the work I did for one of my marketing projects over the summer. I made about 3,000 with them and didn't pay taxes on it at the time - I hope it's not a huge whammy this time!

10. I went to my small group thing (DEFINITELY going to love it... not what I thought initially) on Tuesday night. The girls are really nice and I think I'm going to connect with at least some of them. I volunteered to host the next one on Tuesday at my house, so hopefully that will go well! :)

Wow. It's been such a great week... I love it! I can't wait for all of this fun stuff to happen! I've got to go ahead and get my passport (yep, almost 25 and don't have a passport yet...) so I'll have it for my trip. That's another hundred bucks right there!!

I hope you all have had a lovely week and have a fabulous weekend! :)

10 Things about this wonderful day...

The sun's not really shinin', but today's a fabulous day.




1. I got plenty of sleep last night. I even stayed up a little later, but slept in until about 1030. Hooray!
2. Rae and I received a check in the mail from our bitch-ass ex landlord. It was for our full deposit, refunded. I was absolutely shocked! I'm so glad we don't have to take her to court now!
3. I met with the family that I start nannying for as soon as I can get my schedule down to friday nights at the restaurant. They're going to pay me $15 an hour for 20 or so hours a week and it's a super easy job. Their 7 month old sleeps every other hour. :)
4. I talked to Michael and we're going to dinner tonight after I get out of class. I'm really excited to get to spend some time with him. This weekend was incredibly rough for us. He's doing better now.
5. Rae is moving out at the end of this week, so I've got to find a roommate asap. She's still going to pay for her share until I do, but I definitely don't want her to have to pay more than she should.
6. My church's group thing is this Saturday night and I'm STOKED. This couldn't come at a better time for me.


Ok, so 6 things about today should be enough. I have class in a few, so just wanted to write a little. :) Oh, happy day!

mumbo jumbo

It's *ahem* 3am and I'm just now able to write and catch you all up. I feel like life is flying by a mile a minute. So... short, choppy bullet points will have to do :) I feel like that's the best way to organize all this random information anyway!

- First of all, things with Michael are still quite crazy at the moment. I broke things off with him because he wasn't treating me the way I wanted to be treated (he wasn't treating me badly, just not the way I wanted). That only lasted a few weeks before we started talking again and he told me he didn't want me out of his life. Since then, it's been kinda blah. It's not been the way it was before, nor the way I think it should be - but we're both going through a TON of shit in our lives, so I guess it's to be expected. At least we still talk daily and spend a lot of time together - I think that's all that matters. Well, that, and we love each other. I guess that's the glue sometimes...

- This new year's whizzed by me so quickly. I didn't really make any resolutions other than to start being on time. I hate being late to places, but I can't ever seem to be on time. So far, I've pulled it off quite nicely - I've definitely cut it close a few times though!!

- Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Waiting tables is the worst fun you could ever possibly imagine. I don't wish this nightmare upon my worst enemy (ok, well, maybe). But I work at a very upscale mexican restaurant... where the food is quite expensive, which means you make a lot in tips at the end of the night. It's extremely hard work. The people are exhausting. My coworkers are absolutely insane and I despise one of my managers. I'm glad the only thing she could find to do with her life is to be a manager at a restaurant such as this. She'll amount to great things with the attitude she's got. Sense the sarcasm. Please. Anyway, so this job is sucking the life outta me... which brings me to....

- I'm looking for a new job. I interview on Tuesday for a nanny position for a 7 month old who apparently sleeps all day. My brother's girlfriend has been her nanny for a little while now and tells me this. Only, she's found the day job she wants and can no longer do it. The hours are nice, the pay is even nicer... and it'll get me out of the waiting tables business. Lord, I never thought i'd have to stoop so low...

- 140 lb. update. Well. I made it. Not on my own terms, but I made it nonetheless. Working at the restaurant - running around all the time - has made me reach my goal weight - but if I quit and go nanny, I'm afraid, I'll put those 5 lbs right back on. There's no way I can keep up with the 5 - 9 hours of running around to keep it off. Absolutely no way :) Oh well, At least I hit it!

- The school I go to has about driven me insane. This semester has been worse than previous semesters (I don't even feel like looking up all the crap I've blogged about to reference it. Just know that it's been a bunch of bullshit!). So, they wouldn't let me in certain classes - but I need them to graduate. Finally, once they let me in, I was registering during late registration. THEN, two days after my schedule was finally in, they dropped all the classes because my loan (all billion dollars I had just sitting there waiting to be used) didn't get credited to the account yet (literally, TWO flippin days later!). SO, I had to go up there and wait for 3 hours while they figured it all out........ and pay all kinds of fees and fines just to be in school this semester. If I weren't so close to graduating, I'd have given up and gone to another school! Fuckers!

- All the while this is going on, I moved from the house I lived in (biatch of a landlord - THAT is a whole 'nother story in itself) into an apartment that is the bomb-diggity. My roommate and I moved here together, though just a week or so ago, her bf and her decided to buy a house. So they did. And she's moving out in a few weeks. So sad to see her go.... and that means I've gotta find another roommate. This sucks because my luck with good roommates is ridiculously nonexistent! I did stumble on a gold mine, though. This guy was moving out of an apartment across the way and asked if we wanted some of his furniture. Two black leather sofas, a dining room table and four chairs, and two bar stools later.... I had some new furniture. Funny how he was getting rid of the things I could use! I paid him 150 bucks and considered myself extremely lucky! (that shizzle is in damn good condition, too!) God was definitely looking out for me!

- Speaking of the lovely, himself. I plan on going next weekend to start a group with my church. We have this thing four times a year where everyone (a few thousand people) gets together to join groups for a period of weeks. You go to bible studies, etc. with people your age and in your area. I think it's going to be AWESOME!

- I've seriously missed this freakin thing. I miss writing down my thoughts and misadventures. I dunno if you all still read at all - cause I get the page hits but not any comments - so I hope you're still reading and you haven't forgotten about me! All these bullets would normally be individual posts as they happen... so thanks for sticking in there for the long haul! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Years and I can't wait to catch up on your blogs!

Ok - so there you have it. A much needed update from moi! (PS - deadline to submit everything for the study abroad in France program is Feb 16... cross your fingers for me!!)