To the rescue...

Last night, shenanigans began early for me. I met up with a few old coworkers at the restaurant I used to work at. It's probably the 3rd time I've been up there since I quit in December. It's SO crazy there that they've had to bring people in from other stores to cover shifts. There is no one to work there. (idea brewing in my head... pick up a few shifts on the weekends, not a bad idea!)

Anyway, met up with a few people there and had a few drinks (ugh, that place is SO expensive) and stuck around for a few hours. Guy number 8 was there and we bantered for a minute. Guy number 3 was also there, but I haven't told you any stories about him yet.

Fran called when she got done with work and we decided to meet up downtown. We ended up at the bar I was going to work at. We grabbed a drink and walked out to the porch and stood by the stairs. You know, scoping out the scene to see what we could see.

I see this somewhat attractive guy with a beer standing there being stand-offish to the girl that's talking to him. This girl has a belly. She has bright red flat shoes, a green top, skinny jeans, and some sort of ribbon around her midsection. She also has a way-too-short bob thing going on top of her head.

This is what happens, in perfect detail.

Girl: (inching close to dude) So, what school do you go to?
Dude: (tilts his beer up, looking around - past the girl)
Girl: (getting closer) What school do you go to?

[Me: (to Fran) I think this dude needs saving]

Dude: Umm. yah. I think my friends are around here somewhere.
Girl: (even closer) Oh, yah, I'm sure they are. But what school do you go to?
Dude: I think I see them. Hang on a sec. (moves about 6 feet away, sipping beer)
Girl: (follows him)

[Me: (to Fran) Yep, gonna move in.]

Me: (walks up to them, puts a finger in the air in her direction, and leans in his ear) I feel like you need to be rescued at this point.
Dude: The restrooms?
Me: (leaning in his ear again) No, dude, RESCUED. Act like you know me.
Dude: OMG! I DO know you from somewhere... you went to SMU, didn't you?
Me: YES! I knew it! I recognized you from SMU, that's right! What was your name again??
Dude: I'm Alex. What was yours?
Me: (shaking his hand, I tell him my name)
Dude: Wow! It's so great to see you!

She's still not leaving at this point. So, I pull the greatest move ever.

Me: Do you remember Fran?? (pointing to the stairs) You should come say hello!
Dude: Oh yah!

Success.

We got over to Fran and he was SO thankful. He thanked me a million times and went on his way. He said girl bought him a shot or something, so he took it. Never again, haha!

She returned to her friends and told them how I came between her and the catch of the night. Dirty looks made their way over to us, but I don't care. If she wants male attention, she shouldn't be so creepy!

Either way, I made his night, I guess, because later he brought us over and introduced us to all of his friends. He maintains that's the coolest thing a girl has ever done for him in his 23 years. We all exchanged numbers and will probably hang again soon.

Ah, the joys of lending a helping hand. Rewarding every single time. :) Haha!

Roller-disaster

Sunday, here in my city, was absolutely amazingly gorgeous. It was Easter Sunday, of course, so they forced every single person that works at the restaurant to pick up a shift. This meant I had to work at 4pm.

Michael and I got up around 11, had some breakfast, totally didn't make it to the church service because we'd both gone to bed around 4am (me because of work and him because he'd been out with friends), and then lounged around for a few. I walked outside and immediately ran back in with "oh, we have to get up and enjoy this beautiful day... we can't let it go to waste!"I grab my roller blading gear... he grabs his running shoes, and off we go to the park.

Normally, when I go rollerblading, I go to the park downtown. The lanes are wider, it's made specifically for people to ride around or run around on bikes, etc. Since I had to be showered and at work at 4, there really was no time for all that mess... we had to go to the park right around the corner.

We got there, found a sufficient trail... and were on our way. Some hills were scary but they leveled out eventually. At one point, we decided to turn back so we'd make it back in time. At the very last hill before getting to the parking lot, I'd met my doom.

I told Michael I'd just go ahead, so he could do his cool-down walk. He'd been running the entire time. So, off I went. And then I realized I was fucked. The hill was steeper and steeper. At the end, you guessed it, the road. The road with the parked cars. The sidewalk that ended with just a small metal post in the center of it wrapped in caution tape. The 90 degree turn that the sidewalk took. The curb. The parked cars. The "oh my God, I'm going way too fucking fast. What ever shall I do?!"

I decided to try to take the 90 degree turn. No telling what lurked around the corner, but I felt it was better than either A) ramming straight into the parked volvo at the end or, worse, B) getting hit by a passing car. Taking the turn ended miserably, and I ended up hopping the curb and out into the street anyway.

The transfer from sidewalk to asphalt was not a pleasant one for the good ole roller blades. They didn't like it one bit. I can't say that I wasn't screaming like a baby... because, oh, I certainly was. I ended up running into a parked car and sliding into home base.

In case you were wondering, there were a few people looking my way. Once I'd made the landing, imagine, in your best "guy" voice... "Uhh... are you alright?" shouted from about 100 feet away. My response? "Yah. That sucked!"

I was CRACKING up. I thought it was absolutely fucking hilarious that I'd crashed on my roller blades - the first time, ever.

Michael came walking down the hill, then slowly turning that walk into a run. Thank GOD he didn't see any of that actually happen. :)

The damage? Well, since I was wearing elbow and knee pads, very minimal. I scraped my wrist, have a HUGE bruise on my ass, and some scrapes on my leg. I'm pretty sore today (and this was two days ago) so that tells me something!

As for work, I called my manager and told her that she probably would think of this as the most bullshit excuse she'd ever heard but that it was true! She made me come in anyway and I ended up being able to go home (by some random luck).

Michael and I met up with Blaire and a guy friend of hers and we went to the 6 o'clock service and to On The Border afterward. Their margarita swirls are FAN-tabulous, by the way.

Gotta love a roller-disaster. :) Haha. It's STILL funny!

Number Included...

I'm in a Buyer Behavior class at school and we have this fabulous project due on Monday. Unfortunately, because I go to a school in the city, not many people live near each other. Meeting up is usually a nightmare - work schedules, other classes, etc. hinder the meet greatly.

Finally, today, my group was able to meet. I created this survey (it's about luxury cars) and we distributed it at a "food court" near some businesses where we thought people might own luxury cars.

One of the guys in my group is seriously shy. He's incredibly cute but incredibly shy. So, it was me and one of the other girls to walk up to random strangers and get them to fill out our survey.

I walked up to a table with two men sitting there watching one of the tv's in the food court. I introduced myself to them and told them what I needed them to do. One of them was actually a Marketing executive for a HUGE corp. (can't tell you where cause it'll give my city away!!) let's just say, you probably come into contact with it at least once a day. Anyway, the guy sitting with him - I'm not sure what he did. I asked them to fill out their surveys and told them I'd return.

Upon my return, guy sitting with him said he needed to show me something on the second page... He said "See, where I circled 'single' for marital status... well, I put my phone number next to it for you..."

HAHAHAHAHahahahahha

Oh my God, I've never been so embarassed... it was hilarious! I didn't know what to say!! I walked away, red in the face, and told my group members when I got back.

Maybe that'll be part of our "findings" in the report... ahahaha!

Anywho - this is the time where school is absolutely killing me. I have so many projects/papers/tests, it's ridiculous. It'll all be over next Saturday though... hooray!!!

Shenanigans...

We all know I drive fast. (I was even referred to as "Danika Patrick" last night, you know, the female race car driver?... anyway...) Last night was no exception.

Michael and I met up with some friends at a mexican restaurant in the city. Had a few drinks making it difficult not to visit the bathroom at least once. I waited until we were about to leave... went the the bathroom and then retrieved my car from the valet. We were on our way halfway across town and to have another drink at the bar watching Michael Phelps win his 6th gold medal. (hooray!)

Upon the realization I didn't have a cell phone anymore and it wasn't in the car... I remember putting it on the bathroom counter as I washed my hands and happened to leave it there.

On my drive back across the city to the mexican restaurant, I was incredibly distracted by anything and everything. Music, other cars, etc. and forgot how fast I'm driving.

Until I look in the rear view mirror and there's a cop back there.

Lovely.

He doesn't pull me over, but guaranteed he ran my tag. Of course he didn't find anything on there and didn't feel like pulling me over. I stop at the next light and he gets on his intercom:

"ma'am... speed limit on [road] is 35, mmmkay?"

I look over at him and say "Sure thing!"

Hahaha. It was definitely an experience. C'mon... I was in a hurry because the restaurant was about to close, I needed my cell phone, ANNNNnnnndddd.... there were pricks driving incredibly slow. :)

So there's my funny for the day. I'm gonna get in some real trouble one of these days. Hehe... until then...!

We on Fi-ya!

This weekend was quite a good one. Carrie came in from Hawaii to see me on Thursday and I shipped Michael off to see his family in Dallas. We had a FABULOUS time out on Thursday night at a bar here in my city and then packed up to go to Florida for the weekend on Friday.

Some of her friends (whom I've also met and hung with a few times) met us there and we did a lot of awesome things. We went to bars and watched Sex and the City at the theater (with mini bottles of wine)... went to the beach, shopping, and hangin out. Overall, we just had a really good time.

We stayed at a friends house (well, a pretty distant friend that I haven't seen in years) who was going to be out of town for two weeks. Friday night, we decided to grab some things from the grocery store to make fajitas for dinner instead of going out. We got back to the house and I started chopping the peppers and onions and chicken (I know, i'm a good friend to make chicken even though I'm vegetarian) and cooking everything.

Apparently, the people that live there don't use the stove all that often, or if they do - they don't clean out the things underneath the eye of the stove and it was kinda caked on. This posed a problem for the cooking I was doing. There was some smoke, which I thought was odd because the things in the pan weren't burning - I was standing over it, stirring. As I lift up the pan, I see a flame UNDERNEATH the cooking eye.

Oh lord.

I pull everything off of the stove and call the girls in. As we're watching this flame grow, we're discussing what we're going to do about it. The flame is unreachable. This isn't my house. This could be devastating.

I grab a dry dish rag and start beating the flame with it. To no avail, the flame is still growing. We try "smothering" it with a lid from a pan but that didn't work either. We're all looking through the cabinets to find a fire extinguisher... about a minute later, we find one. The fire alarm is screaming at this point, we thought for sure the neighbors were on their way over and my friend was going to find out. One of the girls steps back... aims... and shoots the fire extinguisher at the flame - putting it out. (thank God!)

There was white dust all over the place, but thankfully no damage to any part of their house - and unless they somehow find this blog and can connect the dots to me - they're never gonna know. It was pretty scary.

So that was that. Saturday night, Carrie and I brought mini liquer bottles to the bar with us. Buy a soda for $1.50 and put our $1.50 shot in it... and there you go. A $3 drink. Huzzah. I usually drink Captain and Ginger with a little bit of lime (captain morgan rum, ginger ale, lime... delish) but they didn't have mini bottles of captain... so I bought another rum... bacardi gold, I think. Definitely not the same. I only got 2 bottles, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I drank part of a drink and was over it. I was going to leave the other bottle on the shelf for the taking - but a "security" guy came up to me and shook his finger in my face.

I laughed at him and handed him the bottle saying that it was gross anyway. I'm obviously not that stupid if I wanted to keep it, I would have been more stealth. I suppose they usually get the lushes who aren't so bright trying to do all of that. :) Carrie and I got a good laugh and moved on.

There were plenty of other stories from this weekend but those are the most interesting. We got a kick out of bringing the mini bottles of wine into the theater with us for our Sex and the City viewing and were all pretty giggly for the time being.

All this for just a snapshot!

My great grandmother lives a pretty sad life at the moment. She's 86? 87? I don't even know... and she is SO ready for Jesus to take her home. She'll tell you so every time you see her. About that, and her toes that hurt, her eyes, her hips, etc etc...

Today, I went to my grandparents for Father's Day (cause I love my grandpa!) and we all had lunch. They live up the street from my great grandma's so they can take care of her - so when I go up there, I try to stop by and see her.

She doesn't do anything all day except sit there and look out the window. She used to quilt but doesn't do that anymore because she says she can't see well enough. She used to have visitors and phone calls but now that she just complains all of the time, no one really wants to talk to her.

She's SO sweet... and I love her so incredibly much. I think it's sad that it's gotten to this point. Really.

Today, my mom and both sisters went to see her. We were looking through a photo album talking about the people in it and who they were - who they belonged to and some of the history behind it all. A nice little change of pace, to say the least.

Before we left, she insisted that she get a picture of all 4 of us because she had one picture left on her camera. The fiasco begins here :)

The light was too bright on this side of the room... and we couldn't stand in front of this window or that one. Then, once we got situated, she couldn't figure out how to work the flash. My mom suggested we go outside and forget about the flash altogether. We step outside and my great grandma doesn't think the spot we're in is right. So we move back towards this tree and that tree... "careful not to step in the ant hill there"... so we move to the other side in front of another tree... but there's the neighbor's house in the background. Then this and that until finally the space is right.

She's way too close to us so she complained that it'll cut off our heads so we should scrunch together. We told her to back up. She finally backs up and has everyone in the picture but then she can't use her right eye, she has to use her left one - then her fingers are in the way....

By this time, we're all CRACKING up because my great grandma couldn't take a picture if her life depended on it. haha. I haven't seen her laugh or smile like that in years. :) It actually made me a bit happy to make her laugh and see her so happy even if it were so brief.

I am dying to see how that picture turns out!!

Do you think I'm Cuuuuuute?

After picking the kids up from daycare and bringing them home for a piano lesson for one of them... I had the 3 year old to entertain by myself. We made some dinner together and we went outside to ride bikes, all that fun stuff.

We're sitting at the table waiting on the 7 year old to finish her dinner... the 3 year old picks up a play phone from the play room and this is what I hear:

"brrrring-aling-aling (yes, she actually made that sound)

Hi Brantley! How are you?!

Yes, this phone is fake. hah hah ha [one of those 'posh' chuckles]

oh really??? That's awesome!

Are you my boyfriend?

Do you think I'm cuuute?"


Hahaha I was CRACKING up! She talked to her neighbor, her boyfriend, little red riding hood, and Hannah Montana.

Oh... and the Jonas Brothers, too. Haha!

Advertising

As you may or may not know, my career is in the marketing field. I happened to end up here by accident but completely love it! So I'm aware of all of these things like how important ad placement is... as well as what's around it.

The other day, I was on my way to work and saw a particular billboard. In my swanky city, these 'rotating' billboards, if you will, have been popping up all over town. It's almost like a giant tv screen that changes ads every 5 or so seconds.

So... driving by... stopped at the light, I get to see more than just the one advertisement as I zoom by. First... a lovely billboard for some assisted recovery place. It reads...

"Addicted? Depressed? We're here to help!" etc etc - you know, with the normal girl looking out of the window solemnly like it's the end of the world or something?

5 seconds later...

"1800 Reposado Tequila" with a picture of the bottle and their cool new "drink me!" campaign.

Hahahaha... does anyone else see the irony? And how horrible it is that those companies paid ALL of that money for THAT ad space (that ad is along a main artery through the city and in a really nice section of town so it HAD to be expensive) just to be shafted and put next to an ad that counters the message you're trying to get across.

Hilarious!

Oh the things people do that amaze you

I've seen some weird things in my day... but things just keep getting weirder and weirder around here. I've been very discreet and mysterious about where it is I actually live (and other details as to who I am) obviously for a reason. This one just might give it away, though! Haha.

Last night, Michael and I were driving to Six Flags to meet up with some friends. We took a random route that my gps so kindly gave to me - all these back roads through the city to get around the horrendous traffic. We went through uber-rich neighborhoods as well as some 'not so nice' neighborhoods. At a cross section where a lot of cars were stopped... I looked to my left and saw the most redneck thing I've seen in a while.

Apparently this particular couple just purchased a go-kart dune buggy type thing. Your everyday average person would find a friend with a truck to go pick it up. Oh no, my friends, they tied it to the back WINDSHIELD of their late 1990's Thunderbird to get it home. HILARIOUS!

Michael and I cracked up for the longest about it.

This morning, when I was driving home from his house, I was sitting next to a gold-ish Nissan Maxima who kept inching forward at the light (hello! It's not going to change any quicker!) so I glanced over there. I shit you not... on the dash of the Maxima was a replica of THAT maxima sitting in a display box.

Yes... ON the dash of this MAXIMA... there was a REPLICA of their car. Ok, ok... let's back up a second. A Maxima is a great car to drive. It's got 4 doors, a little bit of horsepower, and they look alright, too. It's no lamborghini... or porsche... or bentley... or benz... It's a freakin 28,000 dollar Maxima. (in gold, nonetheless)

I could see if you loved your car that much, maybe getting a replica for your bedroom nightstand so you could smooch it before you went to bed at night. (hahah, yah right!) but not ON the DASH while you're driving it!

Some people just crack me up. I must say, I laughed really hard at this one!!

Happy-ness is...

... eating ice cream and not feeling guilty about it.
... seeing your "other" every other day and talking to him endlessly on the days you don't ;) *sigh*
... new clothes.
... seeing your best friends in 15 days... the ones who left you for the west coast.
... listening to the best vocal trance/dance/house songs from 2006.
... seeing your little sisters hit home runs.
... driving. (poor baby)
... sleep. And lots of it.
... cooking dinner for him and his friends.
... Kaskade and Armin Van Buuren. :)
... Spring and Summer.
... trips to (insert any city here) -- IN FACT, Michael asked me tonight if I would go to a certain city this summer to a thing with his parents... ;) Hooray!

Ok. That might be enough. And i'm slacking on the French phrase of the day. I've been a bit ridiculous for the last few posts... they haven't been super happy. So here you have it!

Happiness!
Bonheur

Girl Fight!!

Michael and I saw THE most hilarious thing on Saturday while at Oysterfest. We were sitting on some bar chairs pushed to the side wall while some other friends were getting drinks. A really tall girl said something to a short girl. Apparently short girl didn't like whatever it was she said but tall girl was way too drunk and just started laughing in her face. It was quite hilarious.

We started cracking up and Michael kept saying "There's gonna be a girl fight!!!" and was really pumped about it. So tall girl and short girl disperse and short girl is still heated but surrounded by friends trying to calm her down. Here's where it gets good.

Tall girl goes over to her home girl and tells her that short girl got in her face. Home girl happens to be kinda short, too, but she's black... and we all know that you don't mess with a black chick's friends... cause she'll get vicious!

[Disclaimer: this is not a racist remark. It's been my observation and I consider black girls to be very protective over their friends... ready to fight.]

So home girl gets up in short girl's face apparently screaming at her for messing with tall girl. Short girl tells home girl to fuck off, etc. and out comes the finger nails and hair weave. It was priceless!! They were able to fight (sadly enough no one threw a punch) and squirm for about a solid minute before they could pull the girls apart.

Michael and I laughed so hard about it - cause it was hilarious. The best part, though, was when short girl finally got a grip on herself. She pulled her boy (we're not sure of the relationship but we think it was her boyfriend) aside and was yelling at him for not doing anything to stop the other girl. She ended up hitting him on the back of the head with her set of keys. It was a HUGE thump. (and absolutely hilarious)

Girls will be girls!
Les filles seront des filles!

Taking the STO- out of Storage

Today, I picked the 7 yr. old up from school. As we were passing by buildings they'd recently torn down in our upscale "neighborhood" [I use the term loosly, because it's more of a metropolis than a neighborhood], she mentioned they tore down the "rage" building.

Hmm. The rage building?

I asked her what exactly she meant and she proceeded to tell me, "Well, it used to be the storage building but the S and the T and the O fell off, so it's the Rage building."

I laughed so hard I had to cover my mouth. It was histerical.. until I heard...

"Ms. America, you laugh like Santa Claus when you cover your mouth like that."

Oh. Right. Mental note: never do that on a first date. On second thought, ever again.

10 Things that happened to me today.

1. My brother totalled his brand new Infiniti G35 Coupe. It was a thing of beauty, too. I felt bad for him.
2. My roommate brought home some people in the wee hours of the morning. (2 girls, 1 guy) One of which was puking her brains out. Literally.
3. I wrote a letter to my neighbor (we have a shared wall) who doesn't know what it means to have respect for neighbors and not blast her rap music and she placed it on top of our trash can. I laughed. Next time it'll be the po-lice. Biatch!
4. A friend of "ours" is MIA. He hasn't logged in to his myspace account since December 23rd and his best friend (with whom he is usually attached at the hip) hasn't heard from him since then either. I hope he's alright.
5. I bought a new camera today. I did tons of research before trodding to the store with my top two choices in hand. When I got home, I looked it up - $30 less online from the same store. I'll gather my refund tomorrow.
6. My mother is making a quilt for me. Full of all of my high school band and guard t-shirts. I got to see the pieces of it today. It's going to look fab.
7. I got a phone call in the middle of a movie. I silenced it. A few seconds later a text came through saying "Call me!!!".... so I did. There wasn't an emergency.
8. I got a mani/pedi today. It was refreshing.
9. I talked to a few people I hadn't talked to in a while today. I think i've decided what i'm going to do for New Year's. Being that it's tomorrow night and all...
10. I slept until 1. Hmm.

Rude-ness

So... tonight, I had a drink with my roommate. (not going to even TRY to create a pseudonym for him) We went to a local bar-place and had some chips and a beer or so. Some of his co-workers (from the restaurant he works at down the street) happened to come in. He told the server to take care of their first round on him. Not a big deal. We didn't even talk with them.

As we were leaving, we walked past them and he patted both of them on the shoulder and said "I hope you have a good night" and then walked away. I made [the mistake of] a comment about it and said "well, that was rude" because he didn't introduce me.

From where I come from (normal America), you introduce people you're with to people you run in to as a courtesy. It's just the polite thing to do and a great way of networking, etc. Maybe that's just the southern in me - or maybe it's the corporate world in me. Who knows?

We launched into this HUGE blown up conversation about being rude - that he didn't think it was necessary to introduce me and he didn't think I should have said anything about it and blah blah. Then he told me that it hurt his feelings when I picked on him about anything (something about my personality that I can't fix).

My jokes are in jest - no harm, no foul. I'll make fun of your shoes even if I like them secretly. I'm not really making fun of you - I just have nothing else to say and that's what comes to mind.

He made me fully aware this evening that he's "sensitive" and I should be careful what I say to him.

Haha. Right.

All in all, I've come to the conclusion that the city I live in, as wonderful as it may be, is just one big fucked up place. Yep. That's right. Psycho people everywhere.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Crazy Tuesday

Ah, Monday was crazy... but Tuesday has been a bit crazier.

Meetings all day, a really late lunch, picking up kids from daycare and babysitting them until 11pm, etc etc.

Some funny stories for ya though. I think I laughed for about 20 minutes.

I went to pick up the 7 year old from school... and coming down the stairs extremely carefully, she's carrying a small round container telling me that she's not able to hurry because there are holes in the top of her container and "there's something live in there." I start to get the full scoup even before we've exited the building.

Apparently there are way too many ladybugs dying and she and her friends have decided to make flyers to stop killing the ladybugs. They're going to post these flyers around each of their neighborhoods to let people know that ladybugs are nice and shouldn't be killed.

Hrm. oooookay....

On the way home (a traffic-filled 30 minute drive for 7 or 8 miles) she falls asleep holding her precious ladybug (officially named 'lady') in her lap. Upon arriving home, the interior lights in the car come on and she awakens, takes a few seconds to realize what's going on, and then says,

"Woah. She's not killed."

I about died laughing. It was THE most hilarious thing I'd heard in a while. She kept asking me what I was laughing about and why I was laughing at her. I tried to explain (in some 7-year-old way) that I was laughing at the situation, not her. haha.

And the 3 year old... the letter of the day was "J". How lovely.

Flash forward a few hours... I open the door to enter my house to a smokey smell. Later, I find out my roommate almost burned the house down because he forgot about some macaroni while he was on the phone with his mother. The only thing that reminded him was the fire alarm going off. This makes me nervous.

:)